I say put the clipboard in the bin
A THING OR FOUR ABOUT A THING OR FIVE
I was waiting at a light and a mom and a kid were walking west on Lawrence, presumably leaving one of the many daycares/preschools in the area. The kid was wearing a Spider-Man t-shirt and had a Spider-Man backpack and as they passed a street-level storefront he saw his reflection in the glass and quietly—clearly to himself and himself only—flashed his wrist/web-shooter. Oh my HEART.
Later the same week I went to a doctor’s appointment and there was a comic book on the waiting room table, pretty generic-looking art but who is not going to look at a comic book when a comic book is presented to them. Right? The first couple of pages were standard “cool young woman with extremely small waist discovers her unusual powers” fare but then suddenly her power was regulating her blood sugar via her continuous glucose monitor? And that is the story of how I was tricked into reading part of a comic book about type 1 diabetes! Be careful out there!
PRODUCT, PRODUCTION, PRODUCE
I absolutely hate searching my own archives (it feels foolish and strange), but I am pretty sure I once recommended a hair product while at the same time warning that it was “the most semen-like thing outside of actual semen that you can put on your hair.” Perhaps not an exact quote, obviously. (See above about archives.) The point, even though it hardly matters now, is I found an even MORE semen-like product, and this one goes on your FACE. It is called Prequel Half and Half Peptides + Ceramides Fluid, it’s in the twenty-bucks range, and I actually do recommend it in my non-influencer way (text only on a barely-read blog) (oooh, brands LOVE that!) It is between lotion and serum in consistency, like a few other things I could name, and if you could somehow get it wholesale you could use it for special effects, as a stand-in for the real thing. You know, movies in which they for some reason need large amounts of fake semen? Is that a thing? I’m just sharing ideas here.
MOVIES IN WHICH, ALSO MORNING COMMUTE
Going to the office will never be my favorite but when I do I get to verify the continued existence of the little porn store that could, still making it work right there on Hubbard, smack in between two restaurants from corporate giant Lettuce Entertain You. By all accounts (I have never been inside) it is a terrible porn store but, like a Beat poet, I’m never not going to celebrate finding an island of vice in an ocean of unchallenging comfort. Other ways I am like a Beat poet include a tendency to exclaim about beauty and a fondness for amphetamines. I also have a talented girlfriend that go out of my way I ignore and belittle and maybe slap around a little. No, I don’t and I wouldn’t. Once again I have taken everything too far.
—mimi smartypants is for flat forms, because they destroy illusion and reveal truth.