a whale tusk with carvings on it
Marketing things that need to stop:
- “No ingredients you can’t pronounce” (Bitch, I can pronounce anything.)
- “No muss, no fuss” (“Muss” is only ever used in this context or for hair which is how you know a word is no longer relevant. We don’t need this word anymore. Retire this slogan.)
- “Forget everything you know about…” (IT’S NOT THAT EASY!)
In true diary spirit, here are some things I have done since we last spoke:
Went to the Colleen Green show at the Beat Kitchen. She is one of my favorite artists but occupies a weird live space. Her performances are universally beloved but she has not really released new music in a while (although apparently some is coming soon!), and she just goes on little road trips fairly often playing the hits. I adore this but it is interesting from a “how we consume art” standpoint. She’s like a younger, cooler, less-silly Jonathan Richman or something.
Got a new couch for the front room. Your furniture choices these days seem to be:
- Less than a thousand dollars for a complete piece of crap
- A million dollars (you know, give or take) for something actually durable, handmade, fair labor practices, etc
- A criminal “middle ground” of more-or-less okay for low four figures.
The front room couch gets light use for “sit and read” and “having guests over” so we went with the middle ground. Then I paid for so-called “white glove” set up service and the delivery guys flat-out refused to take away the old broken couch, despite cash-tip offers, so I paid again for junk removal guys (who turned out to be two men and a boy! Literally! Just like the saying!) Anyway, all done. To me, furniture purchases are more stressful than full remodels and I am not sure why. Just too many choices, maybe.
Got annoyed, but kept my mouth shut, when a presenter at a mandatory work thing included “circle the wagons” as an insensitive phrase. Should we avoid pow-wow, smoke signals, spirit animal, etc? Of course we should! But pioneers literally circled the wagons! For many reasons! To keep the livestock within the circle, to make it a little harder for wolves to eat your baby in the night, and yes, to better watch out for Native American attacks and raids, which totally, historically happened! Arrggggh.
Other parts of my imaginary feedback to the presenter included:
Pushback when she said, “No one likes to be punished or humiliated at work.” (How dare you assume! Also it’s sexy when I do it to them, so jot that down.)
Exiling her to a remote island for openly admitting to enjoying The Emoji Movie and seeing it TWICE.
Bright spot of this stupid training: a graphic called the “Engagement Matrix.” I wanted to Tumblr shitpost it so bad. OH NO NOT ME IN THE APATHY QUADRANT!
HE’S A MANIMAL
So everyone my age and maybe even others has a vague memory of a television show called Manimal, but I’m sure very few people have watched it, since it only had eight episodes. I’m one of those people! Haha Manimal hey wait. I don’t actually know very much about Manimal, except that it’s a guy who can turn into an animal, to…solve crimes? I think?
Wikipedia comes to the rescue with a very kick-ass entry about Manimal. It quotes the opening narration in full. It contains the gloriously snarky line:
While Jonathan had the ability to change himself into any animal, he would transform into a hawk and a black panther in nearly every episode.
It raises more fascinating questions than it fascinatingly answers by explaining that the protagonist does not have turning-into-animal ability naturally, like a superhero. No, he learned this, like in a study abroad program. He is “trained in an African technique that allows him to transform into different animals.” Okay!
I want to call out one other awesome phrase in the opening voiceover: “He is a man that knows the secrets that divide man and animal.” Put that in the chat at a meeting sometime!
—mimi smartypants has her camera off.