hirsute, her suit
UH SO DO YOU FANCY A SHAG
Those of you who have been reading for a while are probably aware of my fascination with message boards and forums, particularly those that cater to communities that are very much not my own. I have poked about on forums for homeschoolers, taxidermists, WoW “widows,” Christian homemakers, you name it. Recently I have been digging a bit into reddit.com, which is a gargantuan message board that has pockets of not-half-bad interspersed with vast puddles of internet sewage. Such as, for example, the “Seduction and Pick-Up” “community.” This goes well beyond telling a woman that her outfit would look much better on your bedroom floor, and right into creepy mindfuck territory, complete with weird pursuer/pursued and madonna/whore dichotomies. There’s not really much more I can say about it other than “yikes.”
Obviously I am coming at this from the perspective of an old sixteen-years-married lady, but it weirds me out to think about going through all this strategizing and angst in the hope of getting laid. I think I prefer just taking off my shirt. Or saying, “I’m going to bed now” in a pointed way. Or singing, “I WOULD LIIIIIKE SOME COCK” in a fake-opera voice.
GOOD STUFF
1. Here is a third-grader on our stoop, ready to walk to THIRD GRADE! She found friends at the door so it was the fastest goodbye ever, I got a microsecond hug.
2. We had the first of several end-of-summer block parties this past weekend, and there is really nothing like drinking wine in the middle of the street while kids on bikes go ape all around you. Nora partied HARD with neighborhood friends, I got to satisfy my home-improvement nosiness by touring several people’s homes, the weather was perfect for an after-dark fire, and basically it was awesome. I was really glad she hooked up with this other 8-year-old girl on our block—they played together during the blizzard, and I don’t know what they discussed in that snow cave but Nora has been pining for a play date with her ever since. Other girl’s mom said at the party that her kid felt the same way, but crazy schedules, different schools, etc.
3. After a long run of mediocre fiction, I read The Evolution of Bruno Littlemore. This book is pretty damn close to genius. I adored it.
4. We had a slow start to our zucchini harvest, but now there are tons. Making zucchini bread is a weekly thing now, and it is super quick and easy since Nora actually enjoys doing the tedious part (grating the zucchini) for me. We also have lots of basil and some tomatoes that just need to redden up. Not bad for non-gardener me. </brag>
CRAP STUFF
1. Back to work after a five-day weekend (Labor Day + some vacation days). I don’t even know if I remember how to do this job. Where do we keep…the manuscripts? Scientific…publishing? What?
2. Speaking of work, I am starting to feel a bit stuck and disgruntled. Not horribly disgruntled, but maybe a teeny bit of boredom, a teeny bit of all-of-the-headaches-without-the-glamorous-title, a teeny bit of golden-handcuffs syndrome. They should promote me, don’t you agree?
3. I made a somewhat rushed Amazon purchase, when the perfect thing for a family birthday went on sale, and in tracking the package I see that I fucked up and had it sent to a place where LT no longer works. Somehow that was my “default 1-click” address and now I have no idea where my shit is. I see that the driver released the package at the front door of this address last week—that means I am just out of luck, right? And now some stranger is the lucky owner of my item? This pisses me off, especially because it was completely my fault. I may complain to Amazon regardless, and try to leave out the “my fault” part.
4. Got a haircut over the weekend, it is significantly different from my old hair, and not one coworker has said anything. Not that I need attention and compliments but OKAY FINE I TOTALLY DO.
—mimi smartypants minds the gap.