the fairness doctrine
NON-RECOMMENDATION
I can’t believe the NYT called Out Stealing Horses “gripping.” Man, what a snoozer. Granted I am not a huge fan of descriptions of nature but I can sit through that if I’m assured of something eventually happening. When nothing had by page 170 I had to give up.
SOMETIMES THEY ARE JUST SO CUTE
We never took Nora to see fireworks displays on any previous Fourths of July—once you factored in the crowds, the hours-past-bedtime, and all the other hassles it never seemed worth the possibly modest enjoyment of our (then) preschooler. This year, hours before the event itself, we suddenly decided to pack a blanket and head out to the suburb of Park Ridge to actually see some explosions. So many white people in one place!
After one porta-potty trip,* several applications of bug spray, one purchase of glowstick necklaces, and some snacks, we waited for it to get darker and it was clear that Nora did not really understand what was going to happen. We’ve been hearing firecracker noises for weeks, and it seemed she thought this would just be a larger version, even though I tried lamely to explain about colored lights in the sky and so forth.
*Nora is always interested in the inner workings of things, but she took it too far in the porta-potty. “I want to see inside the hole”—NO! ARE YOU CRAZY? Make your mind a pure fresh blank screen of Zen, pee, and get out!
Then it started (to the strains of Neil Diamond, no less—oh Park Ridge, you are so WHITE) and Nora completely freaked out with happiness. She was vibrating on my lap and I lost track of how many times she screamed “AWESOME!” somewhere around time 37. On the way back to the car she couldn’t stop talking about how AWESOME that was, and just as she buckled in said, “I’m not even tired!” That was the last thing she said, unless you count the sleepy mumbles and moans when I dumped her potato-sack self on the bed and pulled off her shoes.
I don’t want to be all Oh The Wonder Of Childhood here, but there was something special about that first time. (Ahem. For the fireworks. The literal fireworks. Okay, I’m digging a hole here.) Add that experience to the evening when I went to check on/kiss the sleeping child and she was snoozing with her arm around Lola like the cat was a stuffed animal, Lola purring away happily, and you’ll understand why I had a bit of an Awwww overload during the Fourth of July weekend.
DIFFERENT IDEAS ABOUT WHAT THE TEACHING MOMENT SHOULD TEACH
Nora and I were at the park getting friendly with some strangers. Well, mostly Nora and one other girl were running around yelling and climbing on stuff and I was sitting on the bench with this other mom, doing that weird girly dance of “I’m really reading my book, but I will look up often enough to seem available for chat and not unfriendly, with bonus vague smiles.” We had gotten far enough into the basic chat for me to know that Other Girl was five years old and would be heading to kindergarten in the fall.
I overheard Other Girl suggest to Nora that they race. Personally I thought Other Girl was letting her mouth write a check that her ass couldn’t cash, but whatever. They set up start and finish lines, asked us to yell “Go,” and ran. Of course Nora left her in the dust, which is not surprising as my kid is (a) more than a year older and (b) blessed with ridiculous extruded-from-Play-Doh legs that go practically up to her neck.
Other Girl burst into tears. I mean serious, HOWLING tears. She had her face buried in her mother’s lap while she snuffle-screamed about how she LOST, oh god she LOST THE RACE. Other Mom patted and soothed and kept saying things like, “It’s okay! She’s a lot taller than you! I never won races when I was a kid either!” (Uh, what does that have to do with anything?) It just went on and on and on.
Nora came and stood by me while we openly gawked at this behavior, which in retrospect was maybe not very kind but seriously, it was just so shocking. Eventually the snuffle-screaming wound down and the girls ran off to play some more. Other Mom noticed my staring and said, smiling, “Gotta let them get their feelings out, you know?”
Well no, actually you don’t, particularly if their feelings are completely unreasonable. I am not against patting and hugging, but what was with all that dialogue about how it’s okay to lose? Of course it’s okay to lose. The point is that you don’t FREAK OUT over losing. “Get their feelings out,” sheesh. It is always amazing when two people take away completely different morals from the same fable.
SPEAKING OF BEHAVIOR
Although she is perfectly okay with losing games and such, Nora is not immune to the disease of IT’S NOT FAIR. I hear this rather a lot, and it’s getting old. I have come to suspect that Nora does not even really understand exactly what it means, and is using “it’s not fair” as a synonym for “this sucks.” Maybe I should teach her that phrase instead. It would be more vulgar but more accurate.
—mimi smartypants: vulgar but accurate.