the best nation on earth
A whole safari set's worth of plastic animals, a Spiderman action figure, multiple Lego structures, and various other bits of flotsam are strewn all over my living room floor. Nora hands me Spidey and says, “You be Spiderman.” Okay. I will be Spiderman.
“This is the giraffe's house,” says Nora, referring to her Lego creation. “Spiderman knocks on the door.”
I make Spiderman knock on the door. Nora has the giraffe ask what he wants. I can't imagine what Spiderman would want at the giraffe's house, so I have Spiderman ask, “Uh, can I use the potty?”
Nora, As Giraffe: No. We don't have a potty here.
Me, As Spiderman: Oh. Well, where's the nearest potty?
Giraffe: There are no potties in the whole town!
Spiderman: Sucks to be me! What am I going to do?
Giraffe: Why don't you go behind a tree and pee-pee in the grass?
Spiderman: Okay, I guess. [Spiderman goes around the corner of the sofa. Appropriate noises are made.]
Giraffe: I have an idea. Maybe we could build a potty. Out of Legos. Will you help us?
Spiderman: I would be honored!
[They build. Nora grabs an Incredible Hulk action figure and has him join the scene. Her deep Hulk voice is just about the best thing I have ever heard.]
Hulk: Hi, I'm the Hulk. There used to be a toothbrush in me.
Spiderman: Hi, Hulk! Want to try the potty we just built?
Hulk: No. I don't have to go.
[Nora switches back to using the giraffe.]
Giraffe: Actually, you know what? We're animals. We don't need a potty. Let's take this potty apart.
Spiderman: But I'm not an animal.
Giraffe: You don't live here.
Spiderman: Okay.
Giraffe: You can pee-pee in the grass. Remember that? Remember when you pee-peed in the grass? Just do that, Spiderman.
—mimi smartypants spins a web, eats her young.