mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
microphone check one two what is this
HOLIDAYMy thanksgiving was totally non-excruciating. Everyone was normal. I ate a lot of mashed potatoes, as this is not the most vegetarian-friendly day, although my father-in-law rose to the occasion and made a nice chick pea/couscous thing. The children were cute. Pies had whipped cream on top. So other than the drive out to Buttfuck […]
more pivot accompanied by more swivel
Early this morning the snow started out big. Big snow, real snow, fine fat flakes in fine fulsome fettle, the kind of snow you can be proud of. You can call up some friend who has just moved to Florida and describe the gorgeous snow-scenario and feel smugly superior, because you are a sturdy midwesterner […]
certain restrictions apply
A HYPERCOLLECTION OF HYPERTEXT FOR YOUR HYPERPERUSALTen things you didn't know about the origins of country music. Every time I go to buy a casket, I ask, “Wait, has a bimbo ever sat on this casket in a major beaver-shot pose?” If the answer is “Yes,” I am sold. (Work-safe although it may not sound […]
quiet I'm trying to write a crap entry
RAP LYRICS OF THE WEEK:A little introduction to how nice I amYou better get to Western Union, better send a telegram'Cause it's Smartypants fresh and it's Smartypants funkyGet you addicted like a damn crack monkeyShe's a little bit infectious like hepatitis BAnd her skin's a little green like a sugar snap peaS to the M […]
cold outside and cold inside
Wow. Sometimes at work I bash two pencils together, but nothing like this. Wow. The other night I had a dream that I was running a boutique that sold knitted scarves for bears. All kinds of bears would come in. Polar bears, grizzly bears, black bears. They were not anthropomorphized in my dream (no talking, […]
help me get into my mermaid suit
Have you ever noticed the arrow in the FedEx logo? It is in the white space between the eee and the ex. Once you see it, you will never be able to stop seeing it. AND THERE ARE FEDEX TRUCKS AND ENVELOPES AND WAYBILLS EVERYWHERE IN MY WORLD.(God, I just realized that was the classic […]
V is for Victim
I have a problem where I just don't feel 100%, and it's nothing easily identifiable like a sore throat or a stomachache, and let's just get this out of the way right now: I know it's probably nothing. I mean, I can joke about how I am positive I have The Cancer, but I don't […]
rock rock rock rock with the rock
I AM BITTER AND ANGRY AT THE WORLD SO HERE'S A COLLECTION OF LINKS AND BITS1. I've been feeling all ancient Roman lately. Eating farro, building arches, wearing a toga, taxing the shit out of my city-states. 2. Crack is classy. 3. Lipstick and I have a difficult relationship. Sometimes I am friends with lipstick […]
kerosene around find something to do
I kind of feel like giving you a Very Mundane! And Excessively Detailed! Rundown of what I did today. Because, you know, I try to be all things to all people. Some people like the meditative musings in an internet diary, and that happens here, sometimes. Some people like the links, which I also provide. […]
damn. huh. good god.
Hi, my name is Mimi Smartypants and I am a little bit slow. Today I am walking past a newspaper box and there is a sticker on it. A patriotic, jingoistic sticker, like the kind we all not-so-fondly remember from approximately 14 months ago. The sticker showed a U.S. flag and said THESE COLORS DON'T […]
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