mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for June 2002

homespun loincloth

On 27 June 2002

Sometimes life is full of such whimsical shit. LT and I had a discussion last night about why the clock got combined with the radio, to form the clock radio. (Hi. Still with me? Clock + radio = clock radio.) (Man is “clock radio” ever fun to say. Try it in sort of a high-pitched […]

her smile in flight, her eyes ablaze

On 26 June 2002

AS THOUGH OF HEMLOCK I HAD DRUNKToday I am afflicted with dizzy spells, and my spine feels like glass, and I hurt in all the bendy places. Plus I have a touch of maudlin Frowny Mouth Syndrome. Last night I proved my fuckwittedness once again by leaving some important paperwork in a cab. I remember […]

I wish it would snow

On 25 June 2002

Did you know that every website needs a tagline? Why, I've been doing this little penguin-intensive page for years with no tagline in sight! Where is my head? Any suggestions?Mimi Smartypants: A Babbling Brook Of Bullshit And Random Pop Culture References Masquerading As Highfalutin' MetacommentaryMimi Smartypants: The Sharpest Teeth On The Internet Mimi Smartypants: Get […]

trochees and spondees

On 24 June 2002

MIMI ENTHUSESDude I am psyched. It's about time we got some colorful money. Oh my god yes. I want to see the soup fight the sandwich. But I think Sky Deviler is my favorite.If you find this funny perhaps you are just as dorktacular as I am: I Am Michiko Kakutani. I had an eventful […]

woe unto thee, steve perry! woe!

On 21 June 2002

LISTS ARE SIMPLE LISTS ARE STRAIGHT LISTS ARE LAZY AND LISTS ARE LATE (apologies to David Byrne)THINGS THAT MYSTIFY ME (by no means an exhaustive list)1. Those girls who are obstensibly out with their friends having a good time but each of them is secretly checking herself out in the mirror behind the bar, adjusting […]

ogni volta che ti bacio dimentico dove sono

On 20 June 2002

EINE KLEINE TURN THAT SHIT OFFA lot of office buildings around here are enamored of these summertime outdoor concerts, and said concerts are always, without fail, one of the following: (a) yawn-inducing electric Chicago-style blues (sorry but that stuff does not move me in the slightest and never has); (b) noodling white-guy smoooooooooth jazz; or […]

no harpoons no speargun

On 19 June 2002

Staplers! Staplers are great.Jesus will crush you! Kids' cross-sections. (Cross-sections of things that kids drew. Not cross-sections of actual kids.)To capitalize on the glut of business books and management seminars that is such a thriving and insipid industry in this country, I've decided to work with Hunter S. Thompson to develop a management seminar that […]

platypus ragout

On 18 June 2002

I AM STILL INCAPABLE OF COHERENT NARRATIVE BUT PERHAPS WE SHOULD JUST GET USED TO THATSummer in Chicago = many many festivals. I think it's almost warm enough for my favorite festival, Fat Guys on Rollerblades, Shirtless and Wearing Spandex Bike Shorts. Date and location: Lakefront. All damn summer. I have washed my hands a […]

duck duck goose. cockroach.

On 17 June 2002

First: Cordless phones have many advantages, but they have interfered significantly with the modern expression of anger. It is so unsatisfying to hang up on someone with a cordless phone. Instead of the visceral slamming down of the receiver, you have to extend an index finger and poke a little button. Not quite the same.Second: […]

voodoo breakfast

On 16 June 2002

I AM GOING TO TELL YOU MY DREAM BECAUSE IT IS SO VERY BIZARREDream: I have little pictures on my fingernails, and I call a friend over to check this out. “Look,” I say. “I have little pictures on my fingernails.” The pictures on my fingernails are faint and watercolorish. My personal favorite is a […]