impress the empress
- Happy Pride Month, here is a good thing to read about it (bird related).
- A long time ago I read an article titled, “Are You Mentally Ill, Or Very Unhappy?” and it has really stuck with me. I have increasing issues with psychiatry being considered a science and with the popular conceptions of mental illness in general. This was only exacerbated by reading a long-winded editorial from a psychiatry journal on the definition of “mental pain,” describing negative feelings, “inner torment,” disruption of the self, and a sense of hopelessness. Then it went on to say that mental pain can be a part of any psychiatric disorder (emphasis mine). Okay what exactly are we talking about here?
- This is not meant to deny the existence of mental illness, I am just typing out loud in my diary here. It is also not meant to tell you to do or not do anything in particular. Go to therapy, pull the tarot cards, chug pickle juice, paint by numbers, talk to rocks, take the SSRI, scream emo songs at karaoke, attend the support group, lift the weights. It’s all good and we could all stand to feel a little better.
- The other night I did not sleep well despite a pill, despite a lovely spousal fingerbang, despite quite a lot of exercise during the day. During semi-sleep interludes I had vivid dreams about working at a newspaper. (Yes, a “news-paper”! I do not yet have to explain what this is but someday, if I keep up this online diary thing, I will.) In the dream I was reviewing photo captions and they were all terrible. Two examples from the dream are below.
Reverend Hill, already Black, prepares the week’s sermon.
Mrs Carmen Benedetto prepares ambitious, amphibious treats for the boy scout troop.
- Thanks to this internet, I accidentally saw a photo of Idris Elba being knighted. The UK monarchy seems to give these things out fairly freely so if you ask me this probably should have happened already, the man has multiple Emmy nominations (although not for The Wire, strangely). I had previously only seen photos of the knighting process being effected by the (dead) Queen, who always just wore her little elderly Queen dresses (don’t forget the purse!) to do it. With Idris of course it was Charles and he is wearing this hilarious dress military uniform that includes spurs. Spurs! Like he’s going to jump on a horse and ride across the prairie at any moment. Bro you are going to pose for photos and then take all that shit off, hand the spurs to the spurs-butler, read the news clippings the staff have selected for you (nothing negative!), and take a nap.
- (It occurs to me that a blog that cared about its readership would have found and posted the photo rather than spend time describing it. Too late now!)
RETURN TO DEEZ NUTS
As you may have heard me lightly complain about here, my office is mandating a three day/week return to work, in the building, starting in August. In the typical way of management, there have been several pitiful attempts to manage this message and make the employees feel better about it. These messages are all framed around the “commute.” I sort of get it. Many people will be suffering in terrible expressway traffic. I will plunk my butt down on a CTA train and catch up on my staring-out-the-window time. I will still be resentful of time wasted traveling back and forth, when I could be having a morning gym session or starting dinner, but at least I don’t have children who need to get picked up or other time-based responsibilities. Also, if my calculations are correct, and I have had professionals agree that they probably are, I shouldn’t be doing it too much longer! That is all I will say about that for now.
My point is that the commute is really the least of it! (For me.) I am dreading having people around. I am dreading being noticed (today’s outfit, oh she had her office door closed for an hour, “your lunch looks good!”). All that shit. I sincerely hope there are multiple “how’s it going?” surveys with open-ended text boxes so I can reply that I hate it like snakes,* it’s going absolutely horrifically, I am working much less efficiently just so you fucks can figure out your commercial real estate investment sheet and fire people without negative press.
*I like the musicality of this phrase, but I feel bad when I use it because I don’t hate snakes. How can you hate snakes, they are so cool.
HERE ARE SOME THINGS I LIKE
This thing actually doesn’t exist anymore, but I always enjoyed it back in the day when software, apps, platforms, etc, were pitched in this format: “It’s [analog thing] but for your [computer thing].” It’s like a photo album, but online. It’s like a mix CD, but you can update it on the fly. I quite like this construction. It is fun to make up and shout out new ones while you’re home alone. It’s an oven for your watch! It’s Invisalign for you TV! It’s like a periscope, but you can share images of other submarines with your friends! Digital nativity has ruined this fun. The new pitch would be more like “[Digital thing] but with feature/improvement/AI.” Like: Snapchat but with [I don’t fucking know]! Pinterest but with video calls! (Look at this skirt right now, bitch!)
Four books, one movie, one TV show: We Used to Live Here (actually somewhat scary), Floating Gold: A Natural (and Unnatural) History of Ambergris, Beta Vulgaris (you’ll never look at beets the same way again), Lesser Ruins, Obsession (I have nothing new to say about this film but I have been LOVING reading what other people said), Widow’s Bay.
Why don’t more people know about her? It is a mystery.
The fly family called “dance flies.” Well, maybe I don’t like them in and of themselves, but: “dance flies”!
Having the opportunity to (nicely) educate a fellow fan about where the band name Petrol Girls comes from. (That is poor link management because it is two but it looks like one I DON’T CARE I HAVE TO GET OFF THE COMPUTER NOW.) The fan enjoyed knowing it and I enjoyed sharing it. It is fun to know things!
—mimi smartypants wants to show up at the shoreline and drink Lake Michigan.