mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for January 2013

tangential tangerine

On 31 January 2013

NEVER WILL I EVER 1. Go to the circus. 2. Write a sponsored post. 3. Watch or care about Doctor Who. 4. Scuba dive.* 5. Enjoy a surprise party. 6. Get breast implants. 7. Type out the dictionary definition of a word to try and win an online argument. 8. Get tired of “Stop Making […]

soy-glazed

On 29 January 2013

1. I saw the gastroenterologist and he wants me to swallow the magical robot camera that travels through you taking pictures and transmitting them wirelessly to Big Pharma the government the Illuminati the doctor’s office so they can see EVERY BIT of my lovely, photogenic intestines. And especially that pesky, ulcerated ileum that may be […]

vagabond bonfire

On 23 January 2013

MY BRAIN This is going to be kind of a jumble, fair warning. 1. I have been struggling with finding the line where it is appropriate to See Someone about my anxiety issues, which seem to be…increasing? Or if not increasing in severity, at least popping up more frequently? Something? 2. The standard threshold seems […]

kings of misuse

On 15 January 2013

I HOPE HE’S NOT A TOUGH GUY Recently I was instant-messaging with a friend about our most hated things in literature. These had to be things that you think just flat-out suck. Things that are “not my bag, but I can see how it is very technically proficient and I understand why someone else likes […]

big foot ham

On 11 January 2013

BORING SIDNEY, VERY BORING I saw a few more doctors and my innards are still a puzzle, a conundrum, a paradigm that resists heuristic strategies, a model of neodialectic construction that is a self-referential reality, okay I made that last one up. But it would be so cool if medical doctors really talked like that. […]

still in hollywood

On 7 January 2013

EIGHT GAMES FOR GROWNUPS 1. Be sexy all day. 2. Mentally add, “your face” to everything someone says to you. “Could you update the spreadsheet?” I’ll update your FACE. 3. Encourage everyone. It’s better out loud, but you can do it in your head if you want. Right on, random jogging dude! You’re jogging GREAT! […]

girl least likely to

On 2 January 2013

WHERE THE DEAD MEN LOST THEIR BONES My apologies for the bitter and self-pitying hospital entry. This whole thing is very strange, because I do not feel ill in any way. It just seems that every once in a while my insides will go completely to hell, and I plan to go running back to […]