a dog with ear trouble
OH GOOD
This woman on the El was sitting on the outside, leaving the window seat free. (Why have the New-York-style subway cars, with one long row of seats, not caught on in Chicago? Why does the CTA insist on having us buddy up like schoolkids on a field trip?) She politely swiveled her knees and asked if I would like to sit down and yes, I would, thank you. Because I am an old lady and I consider the trip home to be prime book-reading time.
I got settled and said thanks and she said, “No problem. I just can’t sit on the inside, because it kind of makes me freak out.”
So you’re saying I am trapped on a speeding underground train next to someone with a tendency to “freak out”? How fabulous!
ORAL ISSUES
My roof-of-mouth stitches are slowly dissolving, although the stitches on my gum graft are still present and actually feel more prominent as the area heals, to the point where I sort of can’t keep from moving my tongue around in my mouth, particularly when reading (often) or zoning out (equally often). I am sure this is very picturesque and attractive and by no means makes me look like an overmedicated mental patient. Eating is still difficult, especially when I have not timed the antibiotics well and am writhing in the clammy grip of Lady Nausea. A favorite solution has been the Millennium Perk “smoothie” (yup, still hate that word) from Protein Bar, and they are not kidding about the protein. Drink this in the morning and it will feel like you have eaten three steaks. Okay, I don’t know about that, as I have no experience with eating three (or indeed, any) steaks. But I sure do forget about lunch after having it.
FREEDOM
Nora got a new bike this weekend. We shelled out for an aluminum frame, since she could barely lift the steel bike that fit her. The bike is acid green and bad ass. There was much rejoicing. She has started to go around the block on her own, after we had a talk about watching out for alley traffic and remembering the rules about weirdos who try to talk to you (although, truly, the “weirdos” on my block are all my neighbors and friends—it is pretty safe around here). On the day of the bike purchase I sat on my stoop with a beverage and waved (approximately fifty million times) as Nora zoomed past. Independence looms! I am equal parts freaked and proud.
WHO IS IT
Also, this happened.
She just came downstairs like this and would not talk about it very much. In fact, the only thing she really would say was that she was “in disguise.” Well, yes! Clearly, that is the case! I loved it so much. In fact, let’s see another version.
The disguise persisted through part of lunch, although eventually the beard became too cumbersome and was abandoned. Have you ever tried to eat a grilled cheese while wearing an acrylic Hasidic/Marxist revolutionary/ZZ Top-inspired beard? Not easy.
—mimi smartypants has legs, knows (theoretically) how to use them.