wreck yourself don’t check yourself
COMING SOON, FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON, TO AN ARENA NEAR YOU
I learn so much from looking at the Reader’s big page of concert tour ads. For instance, Journey, Night Ranger, and Foreigner are all on tour together. I can think of no earthly reason why anyone would want to see these bands live. And I do not say that to diss them, not in the least. I would never fault you for choosing Journey on the jukebox or turning up the radio for “Sister Christian,” and one of my very few forays into karaoke involved the awesomely gross and statutory-rape-y Foreigner song “Hot Blooded.” But why dive down to the bottom of a horrid suburban stadium in order to see these ancient shipwrecks creak out their hits in person? What do you hope to learn?
I also learned two more things: one, that Kesha-with-a-dollar-sign-for-the-“s” has called her concert series the “Get Sleazy” tour, also with a dollar sign for the “S” (I sort of can’t help but approve of this); and Mötley Crüe, Poison, and the New York Dolls are touring together. I know several ex-punks who would decry this state of affairs, but there is a definite case to be made for the glam-rock-ness of all three bands. It makes sense. (Speaking of the NYD: I had no idea that there was a connection between them and that “Hot Hot Hot” novelty song. So weird.)
COME PLAY WITH US DANNY
Can you believe I had never seen The Shining? I read the book in high school, probably during the summer where I mostly lounged on a lawn chair eating granola bars and reading either Stephen King or (weirdly) a 17th-century medical textbook called The Anatomy of Melancholy. Oh I was ever so popular in high school! You can clearly see why.
My shining thoughts:
1. Please, someone go back in time and cast ANYONE other than Jack Nicholson in that part. He is creepy at the start of the movie and is just as creepy when he is running around with an ax. No difference except a beard and some extra sweatiness. I cannot stop thinking how much better the movie would be with an actor who could show a not-creepy/creepy progression.
2. Loved the music and the sound design in general. Ligeti! Penderecki! All sorts of anxiety-producing orchestral squeals!
3. Kubrick was an amazing director in terms of color and framing and pioneering Steadicam work, but economical he was not. I stopped counting how many scenes could have been cut.
4. Likewise, I quickly stopped playing a self-invented drinking game wherein I was taking a sip of wine every time he used a dissolve, because I was going to get completely dissolved myself if that kept up.
GO GO GADGET KID
Remember that stupid free pedometer? Nora has commandeered the thing and of course is racking up the steps with her manic lifestyle. On Sunday she went for a three-mile jog with me, played Frisbee in the park, and went fishing with LT. Then she came home and lifted my hand weights in all sorts of crazy ways while commenting how “easy” it was. Nora would be the worst personal trainer ever. I can just picture her bragging about the effortlessness of each exercise while doing it herself, and the client stands around watching her work out.
SCREENING MY CALLS
I am working from home today, with spreadsheets and manuscripts and this here Word file open in another window, because some no-teeth Russian men are installing our screen door. This is the screen door that is an especially weird size and had to be custom-ordered, at astronomical cost, and hey that explains why the previous owners of this house did not have one! I get it now! But I really foresee needing some air when cooking in the summertime, plus it pains me to think of summertime Nora running in and out of the backyard and clonking that big old steel-core door behind her every time, so hello screen door.
MANIC CEREAL
A box of GoLean Crisp! in Toasted Berry Crumble! flavor is to my left as I type this, and it seems that the punctuation itself is part of the trademark, so we can never be less than wildly enthused when talking about GoLean Crisp! Toasted Berry Crumble! The side-of-the-box copy, which is quite lengthy, also features exclamation points—four of them to be exact, unless you count the exclamation points used when they repeat the product name, which would bring the total to seven. My morning snack needs to settle down.
—mimi smartypants thought she was James Dean for a day.