Fools rush in
Eight or nine years ago I bought this domain. Every time I thought about using it though, I just got so tired. I am no code monkey. Or at least I am not a decent code monkey, like a code chimpanzee or a code baboon. At the very most I might be a code marmoset, able to make things italic or bold, able to make some links, show some images, create some bullet points. When it comes to making anything look halfway decent, I am not only a stupid monkey but one who is utterly blind to web design unless it is shitty to the point of being unusable.
But then, lo! I entered the era of WordPress, which lets even monkeys blog. And I was lucky enough to have Matthew Baldwin, aka Mr. Fantastic* (it’s true, he has ultra-extendable arms and everything) offer to install themes and wrestle with Diaryland to get all my shit in one place. Theoretically it’s payback because I wrote a lousy 800 or so words about David Foster Wallace for the awesome Infinite Summer project. If you ask me I got the better end of that stick. I may have gotten the whole stick.
So hello! Ten years, 1000 posts (give or take—I deleted some stuff when the book came out, per contractual obligation), and one daughter later, I am saying adios to Diaryland, which means that the site will no longer have any actual grown-ups using it, as far as I can tell. (Diaryland kids, I hope you make it through high school okay. Stand up straight and lay off the Mountain Dew, that shit will kill you.) It is time for mimismartypants dot motherfucking com!
What won’t change: My utter disregard for any sort of posting schedule! No comments, because I hate them, although you are encouraged to send long and overly-personal correspondence to mimismartypants at my antiquated hotmail account! Lots of swearing! No ads, ever! Lots of parentheses! No-Delete Thursday!
*The Fantastic Four are much on my mind lately, because ever since our cable lineup changed we get a channel called “Disney XD,” which shows a ton of cheesy superhero cartoons from the ’80s and ’90s. Including my grade-school favorite Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends (I loved Firestar, who in retrospect has really Amazing cameltoe), and this Fantastic Four abomination that Nora loves. The show is terrible, but the theme song is kind of awesome in how terrible it is. Lyrics are in the first link, but I really recommend rocking out to the real thing.
Enjoy the 4th of July. Personally I have the X song stuck in my head. Although I don’t have a depressed girlfriend, and in my neighborhood there are Pakistani kids doing fireworks (which doesn’t scan at all). Change your bookmarks, update your feeds or readers or whatever, and I will meet you back here on my own domain.
—mimi smartypants is finally living in this century.