shape of a rocket ship
MASQUERADING AS A DEEP THOUGHT
One of the most infuriating phrases in history has to be “You'll understand when you're older.” It was infuriating then because MOTHER HOW DARE YOU. It is infuriating now because I am older, and I kind of do understand. Grrr it's just a carnival of fury.
SKINNY LEGS AND CHAPTER BOOK
Also, thanks for the kid-book ideas. Nora has discovered both the Secrets of Droon series and those Spiderwick things, so she will be busy for a while. I suspect that the Droon books are deeply influenced by hallucinogens, there are anthropomorphic talking throw pillows (yes, really) and flying carpets and friendly furry things with six legs. I smell psilocybin! Yesterday it rained and she spent some time on her bed propped up and reading with Lola the cat curled up at her side. I could barely take all the cute.
Lately she has been reading all the way to school too, which is great but I sometimes miss my chatty bus companion. But she lets me kiss her head repeatedly when she's deep in a book. I fear the head-kissing is on its way out so I will sneak it when I can.
SPAM SUBJECT LINES I ENJOYED
1. There is no place for herpes in your life!
2. Panties off, Laverne
3. Your golden penis will never let you down
4. Give your bedroom the heat ornithology preserve uncover
5. Answer me, cute one!
6. Anymore you don't need an axe to cure migraine
THEORY
Any song's lyrics can be improved by the inclusion of the word “satellite.” Songwriters, please put some satellites in your songs for me. Thanks!
HOLIDAY WEEKEND
That was nice, I'd like another one please. On Saturday we rode our bikes to North Park’s football field and watched the Chicago Force annihilate the other team, but left at halftime because those shiny reflective bleachers were brutal in the sun. Our football-viewing friends came to our house afterwards and we had indoor, non-UV-ray beers and a thrown-together bread/cheese/tapenade dinner while the kids went ape. Sunday involved another bike ride and Mexican food. On Monday we just schlubbed around and read books. I think I also went grocery shopping somewhere in there. THRILLING. But pleasant.
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT
Tomorrow I have to go to an hours-long management seminar called Dealing With Change or What To Do When People Get Whiny or something like that. Even though I was an obedient squirrel and read the “pre-work” packet* I still cannot recall exactly what the point was. Raise your hand if you think I will understand what the point was after I actually attend! Yeah, I thought so.
*They really called it “pre-work”! The work that comes before the work! This made my head spin. I took out my childish frustrations at the doublespeak by eating Triscuits really messily and purposely getting Triscuit grease on the pre-work. My pre-work is stained with pre-lunch!
All these management tips are lost on me since I mostly just yell a lot like Mr. Spacely or Spider-Man's boss. Well, I'm yelling on the inside, anyway.
—mimi smartypants needs her head examined by the head examiner.