mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for March 2005

duplicate these monosyllables

On 30 March 2005

IT WAS CONTENT VS. LINKS AND LINKS KICKED CONTENT'S ASS Have some rotting fish! Say it three times fast: promote goat meat. Best messageboard thread in the history of the world. Oh great, now I have laboratory-created black holes to worry about. Aw, animal friends. More, please. Ham snack. Underwear linguistics. Bitch PhD is a […]

the symbolic apparatus we call culture

On 21 March 2005

One of the many halal butchers on Devon has an awning that really steams me: GOAT CHICKEN LAMB FISH VEA The printer apparently did not have room for the “L” in VEAL, so he just left it off. VEA. That makes me mad. The other reason I am annoyed by GOAT CHICKEN LAMB FISH VEA […]

and if you're frightened, you can be frightened, you can be, it's okay.

On 17 March 2005

Someone a few offices over from me is screeching like a drunk Trixie at a Jimmy Buffet show. It is the sort of high-pitched hysteria often practiced by the not-very-bright, where you cannot tell if something wonderful (lottery jackpot) or horrible (flesh-ripping weasels) is happening by listening to the sound alone. It could be either. […]

moth to bulb

On 15 March 2005

YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS, NEW VERSION Me: Remember when you used to say “MEMBRANE!” to me in that funny voice?LT: Like this? MEMBRANE!Me: Yes. I miss that.LT: Aw baby. I will try and be a better husband from now on. IN WHICH I ATTEMPT TO TEACH NORA A KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE Me: Knock knock.Nora: Knock […]

Hester Prynne, fashion victim

On 10 March 2005

You know your life is reaching some sort of Critical Boredom Point when you look to the local Jewel ad for amusement. This week's grocery store circular contained the following gems: GIVE YOUR KIDS A “HEALTHY” START WITH NATURALLY DELICIOUS AND EASY TO EAT FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. “Healthy” with ironic quotation marks…because they are actually […]

the satellite fever

On 4 March 2005

YOU PUBLIC SERVANTS SURE HAVE A GREAT ATTITUDE I have a library fine. I go to the library, find the books I want, head to the circulation desk, and explain to the extremely old, extremely slow, extremely crotchety woman working there that I have a fine, and I would like to pay it now, and […]

moist with the rot of numerous alcoholic disappointments

On 2 March 2005

BECAUSE THE INSIDE OF HER HEAD RESEMBLES NOT SO MUCH NEATLY LABELED CATALOG DRAWERS AS A RUMMAGE SALE HELD BY TWEAKERS IN A TRAILER PARK, OUR HEROINE ONCE AGAIN RESORTS TO THE NUMBERING TRICK. 1. It is a convoluted Googletrail that brought me here, but can I say that I just love the idea of […]