more or less Slavic
On the way home from the bus I was almost run over by a little kid on one of those Green Machines (remember those? They were the shit.) Ear curls flying, yarmulke nearly lost to the wind, he was seriously hauling ass and yelling at the top of his lungs the entire time: GRRRRAAAAARRRRR! His Green Machine had a little Israeli flag taped to each handlebar and one of those bumper stickers that says WE WANT MOSHIACH NOW! A lot of cars and houses in my neighborhood have this sticker. And it's none of my business, but maybe a screaming demand for the messiah is not the right attitude to take? It's a bit different than stamping your feet and hooting and hollering for a second encore at a rock show.
Anyway, even though he almost creamed me, I liked that little kid. He's like the Hasidic Avenger or something, bringing a special brand of Holy Justice to the neighborhood. On his Green Machine.
(Here's a children's page about Moshiach that has a distinctly odd tone. I like the part about all the Jewish people sitting under the big fish skin, though. What a smelly Sukkot that will be.)
Pumpkin enthusiasts? There are pumpkin enthusiasts?
Today is an especially good day for some punk kitten action. They are ROCKING OUT!
I learned long ago not to do a bunch of crank when there are small cuddly rodents in the house. Why can't everyone else absorb the same life lesson?
The subjunctive sounds funny to many people, but I agree, it should be preserved.
Watch August Strindberg hanging at home with the kids in this flash animation. He's desperate and alone in a forsaken universe but he has nice furniture.
STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
Okay, so on the advice of my lawyer, I request a driver's license reinstatement hearing with the Secretary of State's Department of Administrative Hearings, a department name so long it barely fits on the envelope. I send it to the precise address listed in their correspondence. I write a cover letter explaining that this is all the Thieving Ho's fault and that I did not rack up $1300 worth of City of Chicago parking tickets in a Ford Explorer, because I do not own a Ford Explorer and I wouldn't have the foggiest notion how to park it even if I did. I enclose a check for $20 like they say.
Today I get a letter back from the Secretary of State Department of Administrative Hearings saying I did not do it right, and here's a totally different address to request a hearing from (I went back through all of their correspondence and that address has never been mentioned before), and here’s this confusing form to fill out, where you check the reason that you feel your license should be reinstated, none of which are my reasons, of course. Oh, and here's your $20 back, so you can send it to that new address. But wait, it gets better: instead of my $20 check, they sent me the $20 money order of some guy named Myron Whitehead. Good one, Secretary of State Department of Administrative Hearings. You dumb motherfuckers can't even stuff envelopes correctly, and I have to trust in you to re-grant me the right to drive, WHICH I DON'T REALLY NEED TO DO ANYWAY. I am so tempted just to walk away from this mess but I guess I don’t want those faker parking tickets hanging over my head for the rest of my Chicago life.
2001 was my year of making out with girls, 2002 seems to be my year of filling out forms and bureaucratic red tape. I know which one I prefer.
Names For Cats: Dr Evil, Id, Lawrence Mandelbaum (you can call him Larry after you get to know him), Miss Thing, KittySpy, Malcolm X, Akbar, Rutabaga.
Names For Dogs: ActionDog, Flaccid, Turgid (especially cool if you had two of the same kind of dog: one could be Flaccid and one could be Turgid), Phil, Juan Carlos, Gyro (good for a Dachshund).
New eXtreme Sports That Should Be Invented: eXtreme pocketpool, eXtreme Ants In The Pants, eXtreme hopscotch, eXtreme gargling.
I'm on the high-falutin' pseudo-intellectual pretentious nonfiction bandwagon, reading The Secret Life of Puppets like all the other little sheep who are wannabe permanent graduate students on the inside. I like it so far, I really do, but the cranky materialist in me snarks a bit at what sounds a little bit like a privileging of the Neoplatonic at the expense of the rational. I certainly like a bit o' mysticism and spirituality in my life (and one of Victoria Nelson's points is that although we think we're so scientific our popular culture [science fiction, horror movies, etc] shows just how much belief in magic and transcendence is buried in us). I like the idea of expansion beyond the “one-sided” worldview that science has provided over the last three hundred years, even if part of me bristles a bit at calling science “one-sided.” But doesn't going too far with that idea help along horrible things like fundamentalism, cult behavior, and conspiracy theories? Anyway, it's a fun book, even if she does use endnotes instead of footnotes (damn it, I LIKE footnotes!). The “what is real/what is human” question seems especially interesting when considering online culture (we are all digital shadow puppets in Plato's Cave!)
Here's another take.
THE NEW CUISINE: A TRULY AMERICAN MENU
Baloney And Carmelized Onions On Foccacia
SPAM And Shiitake Mushroom Wrap With Mustard-Horseradish Vinaigrette
Hoisin-Glazed Salmon With Braised Winter Greens On Wonder Bread
Pan-Seared Maine Sea Scallops With Garlic, Basil and Champagne Vinegar Butter On A Bed Of Funyuns
Carpaccio of Beef Tenderloin With Cheez Whiz and Toasted Hazelnuts
Biscuits and Cool Whip With Lemon Thyme-Macerated Raspberry Compote
FUNNY LOUD
One of my coworkers is a little deaf and has a very very loud voice. This has always caused me to kind of vaguely grit my teeth, but I normally just deal with it. She is very blunt and abrupt and you can say just about anything to her, and today I am feeling a bit delicate and sensitive, so when she came into my office and said “HI HOW'S IT GOING ARE YOU READY TO GO OVER THE SCHEDULE?” I said, “Ow, why are you yelling at me?” She paused and said, “SORRY. IS THIS BETTER?” No, but thanks for the laugh.
—mimi smartypants has read the terms of service and agrees to follow them accordingly.