mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
chameleons in the urban flora
WHAT I SANG IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNINGThere's a monster in my pantsAnd he does a monster danceMonster PANTS! Monster DANCE!Monster DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!Also, I sang “Shake The Disease,” substituting “make the soy cheese” for the title words. Then I went on to sing some other Depeche Mode songs with a vegan spin, such as […]
no cause for alarm
Here's the translated text of the asher yatzar blessing, to be recited by observant Jews when leaving the bathroom: Blessed is He who has formed man in wisdom and created in him many orifices and many cavities. It is obvious and known before Your throne of glory that if one of them were ruptured or […]
eyes like the middle of august
I recently bought 100% silk underwear (online, of course. My new theory is that everything one needs to purchase should be purchased online. If I never had to set foot in a retail store again I'd be the happiest clam in the world). 100% silk underwear, you ask? What kind of freaking princess are you, […]
pretty persuasion
IN AN ATTEMPT TO FORCE MY CHAOTIC LIFE INTO SOME SORT OF ORDER I SLAP ARBITRARY NUMBERS ON DISCONNECTED PARAGRAPHS1. Don't go. Seriously. Just don't. 2. I noticed when getting dressed this morning that the underwear I am wearing today was manufactured in Macau. Perhaps my underwear was once handled by a swarthy Portugese longshoreman. […]
we're sorry, dolores, but your turtle is dead
Woe is me, for I am afflicted with the theme from Sanford and Son. It will not leave my brain. It is undeniably funky, but now I grow weary of said funk. Did you know that song was written by Quincy Jones? (I learned this fact online, when I went searching around for Sanford and […]
translucent barrier
Last night LT went to a Users' Group (users of a particular software, not users of sweet delicious heroin), and I dallied around after work and bought a book of poetry. So I guess we both stayed safely within our little stereotypes, at least for one day. I have never been a Star Wars fan […]
aids in the temporary relief of minor discomfort
Warning: excessively Chicago-centric mini-entry. You can go do something else if you want.THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY NEIGHBORHOOD1. There are these benches, at least one on every block and sometimes more, that are there for no reason other than as parking places for old people. In nice weather each bench is overflowing with the elderly, […]
courage, fortitude, audacity, and valor
HOORAY FOR BLACK HOLES1. Last night LT and I watched a television program on black holes. I love black holes. This was on some science-oriented cable channel, and their tag line before going to commercial was “We're expanding your universe” which really started to irritate me given the subject matter. No! I wanted to yell. […]
moist chewy legislation
I am hungry. So who here is up on all the latest Chicago Transit Authority news? What the fuck happened on the Blue Line last night? I went up to the platform at Damen and just missed one train. Then there was not another train. For a long time. (Here is where you say to […]
let's have phone sex only in person with tin cans and string
I am not usually this self-absorbed. Wait, we need to amend that: I update this stupid personal page every damn day. I am not usually this self-absorbed in the hair realm. But I feel I must tell you about the fiasco that was my haircut. My regular man had cancelled, so the haircut place (“salon” […]
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