mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
pause and ponder the brutality of the math
This is what is going on during those times when I suddenly clutch my head and make a weird scrunched-up face and announce that I'm having a stroke. During those times when you sit there with a puzzled look on your face, wondering if you should be concerned (if you are new to me) or […]
hey that ain't egg nog
FOR THOSE WHO HATH NO ALIBIHappy, happy, happy Saint Drogo's Day to you and yours! Saint Drogo is a patron saint of unattractive people. Ugly people get a saint all to themselves! I quote from the huge database of saints linked above, which is a huge source of amusement and pleasure to me: “Stricken with […]
you forgot I was a ninja, motherfucker
Give it up for Monday, everybody. Today is apparently SPIFFY (link provided for the newcomers: there were tons of notify list signups this weekend) and I am terrified. I have an appointment in but a few hours with the “personal shopper” woman at Nordstrom. This frightening development was precipitated by the fact that although I […]
breaking hearts and breaking guitars
Defiantly unshowered, that's me. My hair smells like cigarettes and fast living, there are still traces of gothoid makeup lingering around my eyelids, and my dancing muscles are pleasantly stretched out and SPRINGY. (Which, incidentally, is today's Sun-Times Weather Word. Four words that end in “y” in five days. Patterns! Are! Emerging!) Maybe I'll take […]
my zither teacher taught me this song
ARE THERE ANTS CRAWLING ALL OVER YOU OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?You know that guy who's been thinking about ants lately? I'll give him something to think about.What, you want more?OH BE QUIETYou had to go and irritate me with sentences like this: Today, we can continue to create great and original […]
a radar blip, an empty clip, post-nasal drip, and kung fu grip
Today is SNAPPY. I guess I agree. The weather here is sliding into that danger zone where I start to panic, because soon it will be too warm for black tights and turtleneck sweaters and other aspects of my urban hijab, and I know I bitch about this every time the mercury rises but I […]
feed me johnnycake
CONSUMER IMAGERY IN MY BRAINI was doing a search of my dream-journal for half-remembered themes and came across two different dreams that featured nonexistent brands of cereal: one called JIHAD that was very sugary and bad for you and a healthier bran/raisin combo that used Claude Levi-Strauss as its spokesperson. (Also, a dream with no […]
old problem? new freedom.
I know I said RIDICULOUS was the best Chicago Sun-Times Weather Word ever, but just you wait. Oh just you wait. Because today is SASSY. SASSY!I've been winking and blowing kisses and cocking my hip at all and sundry, ever since I learned that today is SASSY. I'm a strumpet, a tart, a saucy little […]
death-obsessed puritans
I feel funny today. Funny peculiar, not funny ha-ha. My blood hurts, and I keep slipping into a trance and realizing I have no idea what I just read, and I'm experiencing a very strange headphones synesthesia where this Prokofiev violin concerto is all in shades of green for me. Mostly pastel greens. The rest […]
100% of my love
Sometimes you don't have to say anything about your Friday night except: Closed the Goldstar, stole a traffic cone. Oh, and lost every arm-wrestling bout I engaged in, damn it. Yeah, that should suffice for the Explication of Friday Night.Beyond odd. I remember the He-Man cartoon. Didn't Skeletor live inside a giant skull? I wish […]
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