mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for March 2002

ululating otolaryngologist

On 21 March 2002

Today's Sun-Times weather word (I'm going to stop dropping in a link there, because if you don't know what I'm talking about by now you can just continue humoring me) is: PLUMMETING. Something is plummeting, according to the Chicago Sun-Times. Whether it's the temperature, their own self-esteem, or a meteorite they do not say.A SHORT […]

vernal, not venereal

On 20 March 2002

LMNOP

On 19 March 2002

Today's Sun-Times Weather Word: DREARY.Disturbing sights on public transit, coming one after the other like electroshock therapy: (a) Girl carrying strange 2-foot-tall golem or fetish of some kind, a plaster human figure wrapped completely in masking tape like a mummy. (b) Woman with a roach—a small roach, but definitely a roach—crawling up her back. It's […]

I am rubber, and I believe you are glue.

On 18 March 2002

IF YOU NUMBER THINGS SOMETIMES IT LOOKS MORE RELEVANT AND NOT JUST LIKE SELF-INDULGENT MENTAL WANKERYby mimi smartypants1. Is there some sort of Motivation Medicine I can swallow and suddenly become interested in things again? Things like my job, eating proper meals, dressing for the weather? Paying bills? Picking up and putting away the massive […]

one to get started three until we go

On 17 March 2002

There are only four Google returns for “leprechaun porn” and not a single one of them is actually leprechaun porn. I guess I'll have to write my own. I've been riffing on this leprechaun porn theme all day, and amusing myself by speaking in a fake Irish accent about a magical double-headed dildo (or maybe […]

the joke has come upon me

On 15 March 2002

The strange horoscopes, Google, and the Sun-Times weather words are all personal oracles of mine. Today's weather word is HUMDRUM. The Sun-Times also has on their front page a picture of some of those creepy Irish dance girls with the hair and the dresses and their creepy locked-knee puppet legs flailing this way and that, […]

spinal algorithm

On 14 March 2002

JUST CALL ME MS. GOODWRENCH: OR, WEIRDLY I REALIZE LONG AFTER I STOP TYPING THAT THE FOLLOWING HAS THE RUNNING THEME OF TECHNOLOGYI have only a tenuous understanding of the meaning of the techno-speak in this manifesto (although I know someone who will), but I perked up at the mention of Stockhausen, and the sound […]

I came to Casablanca for the waters

On 13 March 2002

Music terminology jokes. A bit of an over-reliance on puns, but hey, you try to come up with a humorous explanation of “pentatonic.” The Sun-Times has gone entirely too far with their weather words. Today when I checked the front page, screaming with its giant type from inside the vending box, the weather corner declared, […]

ubiquitous in northern China

On 12 March 2002

I hope you're not eating anything right now. I know you think you can handle it, and maybe you can. But I couldn't, and I have a pretty high tolerance for gross stuff. Thou hast been warned.As you know if you've wasted any time here whatsoever, I see a lot of odd things on Chicago […]

goodbye small hands!

On 11 March 2002

I SMELL AN OFFICE SUPPLIES CONSPIRACYBecause in my job I have 15 dates every month to be aware and keep track of (which means I have a deadline of some sort approximately every 1.4 workdays) (oh boo hoo I'm so overworked quick someone write a blues song about me), I have a large dry-erase calendar […]