I need a nanny
Remember the day I absentmindedly wiped makeup on the lapels of my black jacket? Today I leaned over the sink and spat toothpaste right on my arm. Right on the sleeve of my shirt. So I had to change, right before leaving the house. Charming.
I don't know why I'm surprised anymore when I do boneheaded things. I am the person who has knocked down part of my parent's garage when I was trying to park. (I don't drive anymore.) I've knocked down construction barriers and then driven over them. Once, when I still smoked (and when I still drove), I lit a cigarette with the car's cigarette lighter, waved the cigarette lighter in the air briefly, and then threw it out the window as if it were a match. That one was fun to explain to my parents.
Other smoking-related accidents: I remember trying to get an ashtray off of a very high shelf in the campus cafe, just getting the edge of it with my fingers, and consequently dumping the entire ashtray on my head.
I went home, showered, and went back to bed.
Not as bad as my friend Eric, though, who has a story about dropping his contact lens into a full ashtray. Not very hygienic.
I once put both contact lenses into the same eye. Unfortunately, I did not end up with x-ray vision.
Some sort of air show is happening today. As we speak, jet fighters are zooming over my building, making all sorts of non-office-type noises, and every once in a while I'll glance up to see a plane spinning wildly or plunging straight down over the lake or something like that.
I hope those stunt pilots aren't as absentminded as I sometimes am.
—mimi “what was the question?” smartypants