mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for June 2009

building a tractor in the basement

On 19 June 2009

I had a dream that I lived on a hippie commune and it was really shitty and sexist. I mostly washed dishes and had sex with different bearded freaks, many of whom were jealous and who would tell me not to have so much sex with Bearded Freak X or whatever. I have never woken […]

ask no questions tell just a few lies

On 9 June 2009

FLAME ON I own a kitchen torch but have never used it. This is a lowdown dirty shame. If I am not going to use it for cooking I need to at least use it for mayhem. I can picture myself snarling many a witty supervillain aside as I singe people's clothing with my Williams-Sonoma […]

my long lasting flavor really lasts long

On 4 June 2009

EIGHT SEVEN CENTRAL I am surely not the first person to notice this, but there are way too many TV shows named The Something. Where the Something is a person. I don't watch any of these, but I have seen ads for The Closer, The Listener, The Locator, The Cleaner. Here is my new prime-time […]

scientific spellbinder

On 1 June 2009

INFORMATION FOR MY SIX-YEAR-OLD I love helping you. Even with things that you can do perfectly well on your own, such as zipping up your jacket, shampooing your hair, pouring more juice. I am happy to do these things because (a) you willingly do them in times when I can't or don't want to, because […]