mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for February 2005

errant terriers

On 23 February 2005

To: Mimi SmartypantsFrom: Fascist Jackboots Stomping On The Faces Of Wage Slaves ForeverRe: Your Attempt To Make Your Work Environment Pleasant An electric kettle was noticed in your office. As you know, such devices are fire hazards and are prohibited in the workplace (see Employee Handbook blah blah dot blah, section blah). Please remove it […]

ye olde suppurating sore

On 20 February 2005

Religion is just the wackiest thing ever! Urim and thummim is (are?) my latest obsession. Which is fitting, given the way that total strangers have chosen to speak to me about religion lately. There has been the usual assortment of millennial street preachers on the El (my favorite being the guy who said that after […]

magical forest of secondhand smoke and Thorazine

On 15 February 2005

I HAVE ANGER ISSUES 1. There is a ballet dancer living in my building, and whenever I go down into the basement to get more wine from our Storage Room Full Of Wine And Other Junk But Mostly Wine, I invariably encounter a drying rack full of leotards. The leotards are not in my way […]

all these words are just bird call

On 8 February 2005

I have a bottle of cheap hand lotion in my bedroom, and it is not a gentleman. I know this because no matter how often I politely explain, “Listen, hand lotion? I don't play that way,” the hand lotion insists on ejaculating all over me. I do not mind, and in fact I want and […]

mc 900 foot jesus and mary chain gang of four weddings and a funeral

On 2 February 2005

I have had a weird couple of days. First there was the New York Times article about “mommy blogs” which has a huge photo of baby dooce.com and a teeny quote from me, and which also contains the very tiresome observation that “The baby blog in many cases is an online shrine to parental self-absorption.” […]