mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

if you have ten and then five and then two

WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY AND ARE ROCKING BACK AND FORTH IN NUMBNESS AND WHITE NOISE

You type about the media you’ve been consuming!

Here we go!

I have been watching Black Mirror with Nora, although I have to say there are quite a few (not-very-explicit) unsexy sex scenes that we both sort of cringe our way through. This show looks amazing (more on that in a minute) but ultimately kind of follows a familiar formula. On the other hand, it’s really hard to fault entertainment of any kind for following a familiar formula. On the other other hand, if you have a reasonably intelligent teen who likes what-if speculative scenarios and Big Ethical Questions you should totally watch this together. N will talk and talk about the episodes after and yeah, her analysis is freshman-year, philosophy 101 stuff, but THAT’S WHERE WE ALL START and I love it. I fucking love it. If you’re a parent and not there yet: hang in there, because early teens are so great.

Anyway, whenever Black Mirror gets a little bit too easy-way-out with the moralizing and OHNOES TECHNOLOGY, I can refocus on worshipping the set designers. So many weird old cars, juxtaposed with skinny shiny gadgets! Crimped ‘80s hair, but with the ‘60s Gidget flip on the ends! Danish Modern furniture and the swipe gesture for all forms of tech! The episode that is entirely pastel! Everything looks so cool that, in the end, you forgive the writers just about every instance of heavy-handedness.

Good books I have recently finished:

The Unseen World (Liz Moore)

The Trespasser (Tana French)

Knockout: Stories (John Jodzio)

Narcoeconomics: How To Run A Drug Cartel (Tom Wainwright)*

*Many useful tips! I really do have a lot of management skills that would transfer. I just need a gun, a nickname, and some loyal footsoldiers.

LEAST SAID SOONEST MENDED (?)

I have looked into it, and it does not seem to be financially, practically, or scientifically feasible to slip into a lovely relaxing pleasant-dream coma for the next four years. The opposite direction would be to get all energized and involved and know what’s going on in this fuckstick shitshow TrashCabinet so that I can effectively rage against the machine. However, since I seem to be unable to look at DJT’s face or read any of his words without shrieking and closing my browser, I don’t think I’ll end up being much of an informed citizen. I’ll be a CONCERNED citizen, oh I’m concerned as hell. But it’s a Rocko Cat kind of concerned, where I just whimper and push my head into the sofa cushions and maybe occasionally bite someone for no explainable reason.

SPEAKING OF CONCERNED

Yesterday I was walking to the State/Lake stop after work, just another slimy fish in the massive school heading to the feeding and spawning grounds, not paying attention to my fellow fish at all, except out of nowhere I noticed the guy ahead of me was holding a boxcutter in his curled fist. Blade out. Young guy, normal-business-casual clothes, gym bag on his shoulder, walking steadily down State St, and…ready to slash a motherfucker? Um. I dropped back from my usual pace a bit, by all means good sir, please go ahead.

Unfortunately, all that meant was Mr Slasherman was standing on the platform by the time I got there, so I was in the weird overthinking position of wanting to not stand near him (so I at least would not be in the first wave of slashees), but not so far away that I couldn’t see what was happening and which direction to run, and then the second panicky overthinking position as the train pulled in, do I get on this one, do I wait for the next one, etc. I elected to get on the train and just have Stress Shoulders for the entire ride: the healthiest mental solution! Force yourself to be uncomfortable, for no clear benefit!

I did take some comfort in the fact that post-9/11 no group of passengers is going to allow an unchecked boxcutter rampage, and that goes double for Chicago. We’d have that motherfucker tied up with Cubs “W” flags and gagged with Italian beef sandwiches before he could get much slashing done.

BURIED THE LEDE

If you got a lady and you want her gone

But you ain’t got the guts

She keeps naggin’ at you night and day

Enough to drive you nuts

Pick up the phone, leave her alone

It’s time you made a stand

For a fee, I’m happy to be

Your backdoor man (hey)

HEY INDEED! I had always assumed that the dirty deed in this verse was a murder-for-hire offer targeting your annoying girlfriend or wife, but I had never paid very close attention. But then that last line pops up, and it turns out the dirt-cheap deed is actually an offer to have anal sex with you. I guess the idea is that it will take your mind off the nagging. Thanks, AC/DC!

—mimi smartypants: cooler than a body on ice and hotter than some rolling dice.