put me in the enemyzone
MEDIA AND SUCH
I am currently stealing HBO GO, via my sister-in-law who shared her password with me, so there has been lots of television-watching on my iPad, in bed, on the couch, in the hockey bleachers, etc, as I catch up on all the documentaries and the rest of Deadwood and so on. And when I am not doing that I am devouring Life After Life, which is so damn awesome. I have always liked Atkinson but I knew nothing about this book going in, not even the barest plot outline, which I think is making it more awesome. (Although, if you follow that link, you will not experience the know-nothing awesomeness. But I think you will still like the book.)
Plus, the horrible people of Real Housewives, New York City flavor, are back and there is a new horrible person! She has a son named Cash and a daughter named Kingsley and that alone boggles my mind, but there is much more boggling than that to be had. I tend to fast-forward through the fights as they are too tedious to watch unless you are not sober, so this season either needs to have more shopping/traveling from them or more drunkenness from me to be fully watchable.
PLEASE TAKE ALL MY MONEY, HOCKEY GODS
The spring season has barely started and already Nora has talked me into buying her some kind of Tiger Balm-ish muscle-rub stick (for her skinny, sore, little hockey legs), a stickhandling ball (for practicing at home), and the fancy kind of water bottle with the long straw, so you can skate over and squirt it in your mouth right through the helmet’s face-cage. All this stuff was cheap, but still! The gear! The accessories! It is the perfect sport for an obsessive like her.
SOMETIMES I’M KIND OF A JERK
Or rather, sometimes I just react without thinking and then people get offended.
I walk into the breakroom to fill my water bottle and this conversation is going on between 2 coworkers:
Dumb Coworker With Teenage Children: Oh, that’s great that he did so well! Did you do any of the ACT test prep?
Normal Coworker With Teenage Children: He got some books, and took sample tests online, but that’s about it…
DCWTC: You didn’t do the Kaplan courses at Northwestern? I had my daughter in those starting in 5th grade. Every Saturday morning for 10 weeks! I was like, “This is ridiculous!”
Me, being a jerk and interrupting (see above): Wow, that is ridiculous. Why did you do that?
DCWTC: Because you have to!
Me: Noooooo, you don’t.
DCWTC: [glares at me, probably hates me forever, perhaps feels sorry for my poor unprepped 5th-grader]
Me: [hasty exit]
OTHER WORK THINGS I HATE
1. When people need to give me things in order for me to do another thing, and I give those people a deadline for the things, and then I think shit, why was I so generous, all my bits of the thing are done because I’M JUST AWESOME THAT WAY, and the other people will no doubt wait until the last minute.
2. The way my phone has a “message” button, but then I have to press a different button to actually listen to the message, as if listening to the message were not the most common thing I might want to do when pressing the “message” button.
3. Also, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME ANYWAY. Are your fingers broken? Email, motherfucker. Do you speak it.
—mimi smartypants is the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.