obligatory faucet
IN PRAISE OF EATING FOOD
Hey yo yo. I am in a better frame of mind during this timed typing session (working title: Post Something In 30 Minutes Or GTFO!), mainly because of food. Calories, they are good for the brain. Although I had someone write me and say something like “you should fast more often because that was really funny” and I don’t know what to say to that except maybe DIE, FUCKER. Except I don’t really feel like saying that anymore now that I have had some food and am calm and forgiving. So maybe I’ll just say “thanks for your input.” Which can sort of have a DIE, FUCKER subtext, particularly when I type it at work.
I do not know any intestinal-camera results yet. I like to think that is because they have to edit the video, fix some things in post, add music and voiceovers (can I get Morgan Freeman? That would be cool), and make the blooper reel, but it is probably just because doctors are busy. I still get anxious when I think about all this weird intestine stuff, but I’m not really anxious about the test showing something terrible. I am mostly anxious that everything will show up rather ho-hum, and adorable young Asian gastroenterologists will say, “Well, we really don’t know why every year or so you end up in the hospital after a long night of unbelievable pain and vomit, hope it doesn’t happen again, good luck to you.” I don’t want to continue fretting that someone has planted an unreliable IED in my ileum. I want to forget all about this!
HAPPY WHATEVER DAY
It’s so “cool” to hate Valentine’s Day that it has become downright uncool to do so. I actually don’t have strong feelings about it, although it bugs me to see the lavish crafts and heart-shaped foods on various Competitive Mothering blogs—it seems very strange to smother your kid with commercialized symbols of love on what has traditionally been a day focused (however misguidedly) on romantic attachment. I remember getting a flower or a little chocolate heart from my parents on Valentine’s, but nothing like the red-and-pink explosions I see on Facebook or Pinterest.
I did make a “special” breakfast for Nora, though—chocolate croissants from Trader Joe’s, microwave bacon, and apple slices. Nothing says “I love you” like bacon and chocolate, right? (The apple slices were to make myself feel better about the bacon and chocolate.)
WHY NOT JUST “WOMEN”
It’s in some ways a small thing, and I think “misogynist” is too big a word to use here, but I have to agree.
SORRY FAMILY
Shhh, don’t tell LT or Nora, but I am trying yet another “meatless meatloaf” recipe tonight! After the chocolate and bacon breakfast, I think they need a bit of a comedown, don’t you?
—mimi smartypants is all about balance.