last one out of the box
1. Scene: in the kitchen making myself a garden burger. Which was not actually a Gardenburger-brand garden burger but something else vegetable-based and patty-shaped, I suppose most people would say “veggie burger” but I can’t stand “veggie.” Why must we talk like two-year-olds? There are no good words for non-meat burger-shaped patties, just like there are no good words for the midsection of a person. Torso, veggie burger, stomach, garden burger (which sounds like it is made of compost and mealworms), tummy. Terrible words, all of them.
2. Do you love it when someone is trying to tell a story and then they get all sidetracked with their semi-autistic sensitivity to certain words? And the story itself is not nearly worth all the build-up and sidetracking? Yes, you do.
3. I was cooking the vegetable-based disk and wanted to melt some cheese on top, so I cut a slice and put it on the kitchen island for a minute while I tended to the condiment situation. When I turned around Lola the cat was up on that counter licking my cheese. Thanks a lot, Lola. Lola the Cheeselicker.
4. Speaking of cats and their fucked-up brains, we are finally giving poor Rocko his Prozac. We tried the pills and ha ha ha ha ha! We tried liquid and that just meant I ended up bleeding AND covered in chicken-scented liquid Prozac. We tried treats but he knew what was up and would ignore them. So now we have rich creamy Prozac, and once a day I snap on a latex glove and smear some in his ear. I think there has been some decrease in his twitchiness and self-mutilation, but it is early days yet. Forty dollars a month for the cat Prozac! If it doesn’t work I am going to send Rocko a bill.
5. I do not know how I feel about this video. I like this (original) song very much, I like American Psycho (both book and movie, although the latter mostly because Christian Bale is mesmerizing in anything he does). But do those two things go together? Regardless, I have watched the video three times now, so maybe this guy is on to something.
6. Here’s another intriguing (as in “what the hell just happened?”) video, in which a woman who looks like a second-grade teacher gets up on stage in a strange strip-club/acrobatic fashion, dances around a bit with Ronnie James Dio, and then is gently escorted off stage.
7. The video is for a Dio song called “Stand Up And Shout.” There were a few late 1970s/1980s hits with the word “shout” in the title. Shout At The Devil. Shout It Out Loud. That Tears For Fears song about shouting.
8. Such a nice blunt Anglo-Saxon word, “shout.” Shout, fuck, wagon. Hey, there’s your next song title.
9. Nora is a bit too intrigued by those guys that drive their pickup trucks around the alleys looking for scrap metal. “You can get money? For metal things? That people throw away?” Well, yeah, but not much. “That would be so easy!” Nora, I love you no matter what, but not gonna lie—it would be a little disappointing if you ended up as a freelance trash-picker. Not really a valid career choice.
10. I was doing my treadmill thing while this old lady walked around the track, and every time she passed she would smile and wave at me. I don’t know if she was addled or just fucking with me, and if it’s the latter I think that is awesome and we should hang out. Because it seems like something I would do.
11.
Nora, sleep-talking: Help me.
Me, being gentle soothing mommy and also curious about her dream-life: What do you need help with?
Nora: Help me lift this heavy thing.
Me: Sure, I will help you.
Nora, switching to irritated sleep-talking: Never mind, I will do it myself.
—mimi smartypants is worse than no help at all.