kimchi scrimshaw
THIS WEEK IN SIGHTS AND SOUNDS AND WORDS
1. I just watched this episode of Hoarders, the one with all the brain-damaged, inexplicably angry hillbillies and animal cruelty. While it made me the usual amount of sick, there was some serious cognitive dissonance going on while watching Gary (the guy who let his rented house be destroyed by pet rabbits). It was like: Gross! Poop!* And then: Oh man! Bunnies! Because bunnies are so damn cute, even when they are eating your drywall and making a mountain of shit.
*Whenever any of the professionals on the show has to mention poop, which is distressingly often, the word used is always “feces.” It is consistent enough to make me fairly certain that there is a “Poop Will Be Referred To As Feces” mandate, and also to make me wish I had been assigned to write that memo.
2. Things I recommend you download, if you think your musical tastes might mesh with mine:
A song called “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People—very catchy and mellow, with lyrics about a shopping mall massacre. How often does that happen?
“Wrecking Ball” by Viva Voce.
The Books. Found sounds!
Hammock. Drone music. A bit like a slowed-down Slowdive. Warning: VERY sedating. Not so much “shoegazer” as “quality of light on the linoleum on which I press my cheek”-gazer.
3. When I read historical fiction I get a little impatient because we all know what is going to happen. Sometimes it feels like people might read this just because they know it already, and they can either feel smug about catching the obscure details or indignant about mistakes. I just finished The Other Boleyn Girl, which was passable but I did mutter “please just chop off her head already” several times. The author should have gone the HBO route (The Tudors) and included lots more fucking.
THIS CONVERSATION LEFT ME WITH NOTHING TO SAY
Nora was in her usual post-shower goofy mood. Something about getting wet makes her a nutcase. Maybe we should think about switching shampoos.
Nora: Look at this string! It’s from my sock.
Me: Okay.
Nora: It’s like a memory. A memory of my sock!
Me: Mmmm.
Nora: And if I hold it like this [holds string horizontally] it’s like past and future. Okay, listen. Say today is to your left, okay? And to your right, is [spooky voice] 100 MILLION YEARS AGO. Everything’s fine, though. But watch! [Tilts string diagonally to the right] OH NO! THE ECONOMY OF THE WORLD IS RUINED!
Me: [speechless]
Nora: [mostly to herself, more spooky voice] Which way should I tilt it? WHICH…WAY…? The Earth is spinning around and [tilt] OH NO NOT AGAIN! NO MORE ECONOMY! [pause] Anyway. Say goodbye to the memory string! [goes to throw it in the garbage]
Me: [more boggling, more speechlessness]
Seriously, what the hell was that? With the time travel and the string and the economic collapse? Should I get Madeleine L’Engle and Alan Greenspan on the line?
—mimi smartypants wrinkled your time.