dead salmon ftw!
I ATTEMPT TO FIGHT THE LAW, THE LAW PROBABLY WILL WIN
I had a work-from-home day and drove Nora to school. We were early so I parked and let her come into the front seat to investigate the many wondrous compartments of the car. She never seems to tire of pointing out all the little design features that impress her, like cupholders and whatnot, and it worries me slightly. Nora, please do not go work at a car dealership.
Then a cop came out of FUCKING NOWHERE, knocked on the window, and when I lowered it he said, “Oh wow! I didn’t know you were in there! If I knew you were sitting in the car I wouldn’t have written this ticket!” The ticket was for “parking” during there during the scheduled street cleaning. Truthfully, I had not noticed the signs (I rarely drive to school and the street cleaning is only once a week). I probably would have merrily left my car, ushered the kid inside, and received my parking ticket upon returning.
But hey, lucky break right? I can move my car right now! Thanks, officer!
No dice. After he said all the stuff about not knowing I was “in there” (and that’s another thing: nice powers of observation, Chicago’s Finest!), I asked, “So…can we skip the ticket then?”
Cop: Nah, it’s too late. I already wrote it!
Me: Are you sure? Because as you point out, I’m not really “parked,” I was just sitting here in my car.
Cop: I already wrote the ticket, though!
Me: So the Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on?
Cop: Pardon?
Me: Nothing. Thanks.
Fifty bucks for being an idiot! Huzzah! I am going to contest it by mail, but I don’t expect much.
WOW WE HAVE SUCH FUN AT THE PARK
As you can tell by how my child lies prone on the ground. Another in our series of seriously dull home videos!
HALLOWEEN THEORY
Hershey’s “Krackel” is tastier than Nestle’s “Crunch,” despite the identical concept. I wish this blog were a radio call-in show so I could get in a screaming debate with someone about this. I have a lot of supporting evidence but plan to abandon it in favor of ad hominem attacks. You fat ugly Nestle-lover.
HALLOWEEN FACT
Here is Nora ready for some FOOTBALL!
School made a sudden “no helmets or masks” rule for the parade portion of the Halloween fun. As if Devin Hester would trip or bump into anyone! Nora did not seem too upset about that. LT said, “When you’re not wearing the helmet, you still look like a football player—just like one that’s on the sidelines.” To which Nora responded, “I’m on the sidelines because I just made a touchdown.” Well yes. Of course. Trick-or-treating the following night involved not only candy but also high-fives and slaps on the helmet.
And here is the text of the letter she insisted on writing to number 23 himself:
Dear Mr. Hester, I am a 6-year-old girl. I am a very fast runner. You are my favorite Bears player because you are a very fast runner too.
For Halloween I was you. [pictures inserted of normal Nora and dressed-up-for-Halloween Nora] Keep running fast! Love, Nora.
He will either be charmed or utterly freaked out.
—mimi smartypants is usually both.