mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for June 2003

the idea is unpalatable to me

On 30 June 2003

THE STANDARD MONDAY CRAPI had a lot of very strange, vivid, imagistic dreams this weekend. (1) LT had three penises, and each had a different colored label. The penis I was most interested in had a black label with white printing, but I do not remember what the label said. (2) A flock of birds […]

frou-frou foxes

On 26 June 2003

From the Now You Will Think I Am Nuts files: I drink water all day at work, and today I was really getting into doing this weird thing where I would swig a small mouthful of room-temperature bottled water and then just hold it in the front of my mouth for a while, letting it […]

according to Taoist legend

On 25 June 2003

MY LIFE IN MINIATUREWhat do you call a band made up of four middle-aged white guys in dashikis? Playing drums made of gourds and goat-hoof rattles and such? Well, you might call yourselves something like the Funky Afro-Fusion Jazz Roots Ensemble and you might perform at my office building outdoors at lunchtime. I have already […]

Your exagmination round his factification for incamination of a warping process. Declaim!

On 24 June 2003

UNSAFE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THIRTY-FIVEHey Uniball Vision Exact pens. I like you, but today I was chewing on one of your brethren, a sexy and smashingly hot-pink fine-tip, and suddenly I found that the little plastic end-piece was in my mouth. If I knew you had a tendency to come apart like that, I might […]

how green was my valley? pretty green!

On 23 June 2003

META-BORINGHi and welcome to The Making Of The Making Of The Diary Of Mimi Smartypants, an enterprise that is already completely transparent and non-mysterious. Once in a while, though, I get questions about how I type these things, whether I follow a schedule, how long it takes me to write an entry, etc. These types […]

an attempt at levity

On 20 June 2003

A BIG THUMBS UP TO BANAL CONVERSATIONSAt the Loyola El stop, getting off the train:Guy #1: Want to go to the liquor store?Guy #2: Yes! Immediately!In line at the Walgreens at Clark and Erie:Baby Momma #1: So I said hello! Hello! What the fuck are you talking about? I don't want to take custody of […]

dismiss the whole scenario out of hand

On 19 June 2003

MY NEW RULEI will no longer just come out and say what I am thinking at work. It's nothing bad—no one put truth serum in my coffee, like in a silly sitcom setup, so that I walk around all day blurting out that upper management are morons or hey sugar-tits meet me in the supply […]

the square root of death and an anarchy sandwich

On 17 June 2003

Today! Is! A Linky Day! No real good reason, except that I have found all kinds of bookmark-worthy (to my mind, at least, and for better or worse I will be your content filter for the next few minutes) things and I need a place to put them. There are things that tax my powers […]

built a tower in my bones

On 16 June 2003

Back at work, blah. I was feeling kind of sorry for myself, in a Monday way, until the Drunkest Man Ever “stood” near me on the El, swaying all over the place and stinking like bourbon and asking everyone within earshot if this train would get him to Traffic Court. Way to go, sir! Way […]

you're my number one baby for gravy

On 13 June 2003

Goddamn it. A nice person sent me this link to YET ANOTHER SEVERED HEAD STORY. I appreciate the gesture and the effort to keep me in the loop w/r/t severed heads, but it still just makes me want to stomp my feet like Veruca Salt and say, “I want a severed head, Daddy!” Sometimes I […]