mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
attenuated in its syntax
I cannot seem to stick to a topic lately. My brain is like some big hippie group house, with ideas wandering in and out at all hours. Ideas playing frisbee golf, ideas eating some granola-based concoction with their theoretical fingers, ideas arguing about whose turn it is to do the FUCKING DISHES CAN'T ANY OF […]
Voltaire loved volleyball
DREAM (recorded for posterity, and maybe so you can get a few fun surreal images to weave into your own dreams):I am at a party and similar to the Pixies faux-lip-synching video for “Here Comes Your Man,” everyone just opens his or her mouth and holds it open and words sort of miraculously come out. […]
triviality threatens
IT IS ALL ABOUT NUMBERING EACH PARAGRAPH, IN ORDER TO PERPETUATE THE ERRONEOUS IMPRESSION THAT I HAVE A GRIP ON THINGSSECTION THE FIRST: TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO BE A TOTAL FREAK1. Something went screwy with my clock this morning. I do not normally wake up to an alarm, but today at 4:30 in the morning […]
a Declaration of egregious popish Impostures
FIRST THE MAMMOTHHow to Be Good. Why did I like this book? I never really dug Nick Hornby, his stuff is normally too cutesy and easy to swallow. This book has its flaws…it bogs down in the middle, and there are a few characters who keep getting reintroduced (like the wife's unnecessary best friend) and […]
heavyweight heads of state
Some things are too minty. Have you ever had one of those Listerine Strips? I had my first one a while ago, and all I could say was, “Dude.” They are too minty. They colonize your mouth and then there is nothing left but mint, which, yeah, that was the idea, but it all just […]
holding a program from a Stoppard play
A RECENT TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE THAT ACTUALLY TURNED OUT OKAYI have some difficulties in the area of Being A Girl. The equipment is fine, it is the trappings of gender that I sometimes have trouble with. Like showing up at your bridal shower and being enthusiastic about towels. Or shopping. Or, especially, wearing makeup. Did you […]
big red hawaiian penis
Oh my. Where have I been? Have I been out doing fabulous things? No time to update? Did I finally check myself into that clinic out in Taos that puts you into a medical coma until you detox from gummi worm addiction, and then you wake up, attend a few group meetings and cry a […]
real heel deal
IT'S ALL FRIDAY IN HERELet my love open the GoreLet my love OPEN the GoreLet my love open the Gorethe Al Gore1, 2, 3, 4 Get your former vice prez on the floorGotta get up to get downLook over there, it's MC Al GoreHe's hard to catch like the albacoreHe's hard to destroy like uranium […]
alpha november golf sierra tango
GRADE SCHOOL GRIEFI was thinking today about childhood and about how very many things could easily throw my grade-school self into a complete shaking dizzy trying-not-to-cry panic. Do you remember those things? I would break my glasses, or leave something at school that I needed, or miss the bus, or be waiting at the wrong […]
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