mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for October 2002

Epstein, meet Epstein.

On 31 October 2002

There needs to be a line of greeting cards for total strangers. Here are some examples of cards I require in my daily life.WOW YOUR PANTS ARE TIGHT! [inside the card] THOSE ARE SOME TIGHT PANTS!HEY GUY WITH GIANT AFRO… [inside the card] CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GIANT AFRO!Happy Halloween to the short girl who gets […]

disco duck, tango turtle, waltzing walrus

On 30 October 2002

A DELIGHTFUL CONVERSATION I OVERHEARD AT THE BOOKSTORETwo women are browsing together.Woman #1: “…so I just thought it would be hot lesbian sex all the time.”Woman #2: [sighing] “Dude. It's never hot lesbian sex all the time. Get over it.”WITH APOLOGIES TO COOLIOThere ain't no hangover like a wine hangover because a wine hangover don't […]

the bouncer at the door of the cultural Establishment

On 29 October 2002

You know what you need? You need a sticker of a frog wearing a “Keepin' It Real” T-shirt. Yes you do.MIMI SMARTYPANTS' UNPOPULAR OPINION NUMBER 87I hate these movies and there's no way I'm seeing the new one. Yes, the photography is neat, and oooh, yes, how interesting, it goes along with the music so […]

I hereby request

On 28 October 2002

THE LIMITS OF MY LANGUAGE ARE THE LIMITS OF MY WORLD ETCI haven't been around, have I? Where oh where could I have been? Why oh why am I even fake-updating now? I just want a Monday placeholder, and to establish some discipline in my life. This weekend I only left the house in order […]

whiskey drinks and chocolate box

On 24 October 2002

Why we should value sincerity, particularly in art, is not always clear. In its absence, where is the insult? Call a piece “sincere” and the artist may rightfully pause since it is not a predicate with an unambiguous emotional train. So minimal an expectation is bound to seem almost off-color, if not irrelevant. Except at […]

vote for Mayor McCheese or his goons will break your freaking kneecaps

On 22 October 2002

I very, very rarely don't know what day it is. That’s not because I am like some superorganized superbrain, but for the sad-ass reason that my little complicated-as-fuck OCD rituals* are kind of numerically based on the date. However! Sometimes I actually do forget, or I completely blank out when I am filling out a […]

better bring your galoshes because my vengeance is a-raining down

On 22 October 2002

I am not well. I have that vague feeling of unwellness that, if you're not careful, can cause a hypochondriacal freak-out about something being seriously wrong with you. It would be much simpler and less anxiety-producing to just have regular homegrown symptoms like a sore throat or a headache, rather than this generalized awfulness. I […]

trash-talkin' trilobite

On 21 October 2002

FUNNY BUT MAYBE A LITTLE SADTo be all proud of yourself on Friday night for leaving a bar at an appropriate time and before closing. S. and I were all proud of ourselves in the cab, oh my! Aren't we grown up and sensible young ladies! Look at us, going home when it's only 1 […]

mutually assured destruction

On 18 October 2002

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.) (Whatever is said in half-remembered first-year Latin sounds profound too, but is probably wrong.) (Although after typing that I went and Googled this old joke and if I have it wrong, so do a lot of other people. I guess that's comforting.)Here […]

the invention of a new sort of potato scraper

On 16 October 2002

I think the jellybath is kind of creepy.Love letters in which the writer fantasizes about being murdered by the one he/she loves have kind of fallen out of fashion, darn it. That's the best kind.Terrible help desk tickets. Although I am heartily sick (yea, verily) of Queen's “Under Pressure” being used in commercials and movie […]