mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?
there will be time enough for counting when the dealing's done
THREE TINY THOUGHTS 1. In some sense I believe that the size of one's data set confers psychic protection, which is a major reason why I read so obsessively. 2. Because it is abstract, music is the most individualizing art form. I generally don't agree with much of the hand-wringing about how “kids these days” […]
wearing Al Sharpton's undershirt for charity
EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM GETTING HIGH AND READING WILLIAM BLAKEI forgot to mention that yesterday was a Power Suit day. I had lots of meetings so I decided to get all Power Suit-y. My Power Suit is black, with a jacket and a sort of sleek sleeveless dress thing underneath. Wearing […]
you can bring in the noise, but please leave the funk outside
NO THEMATIC COHERENCEMy favorite weather site is Weather Underground. But what's so underground about it? Is it THE WEATHER THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE? Or does it refer to the weather down in mine shafts or under the topsoil? (“And now, the weather for earthworms. Continued cool and clammy today with a chance […]
here comes a bikini whale!
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISEDSniff. I am that gross kid you wouldn't sit next to at the assembly. Sitting here at the computer surrounded by used kleenex, and even then I am making the occasional vile slurping noise through the two thirds of a nostril that still deserves the title of “airway.” No one is around […]
a walk-in solar system
INSTRUCTIONS NOBODY FOLLOWS1. Do not insert in ear canal.2. Close cover before striking.3. Do not exceed recommended dose.4. Pianissississississimo. 5. Keep head and arms inside window. 6. Restrooms are for customers only.7. Tell me the truth.LINKSHardcore porn. 18th-century hardcore porn. Yesterday I was wondering about the origins of the word “maverick,” since it seemed like […]
tethered to the grumpiest of donkeys
HOORAYLT possibly has fixed the driver's license mess for me! My LT, my own personal in-house Erin Brockovich (although he's a lot more butch than Julia Roberts), refused to believe my lawyer's contention that “fighting for justice will never work, so just pay the Thieving Ho's parking tickets” (some lawyer, huh?) and thus LT has […]
he borrowed my salinometer and wouldn't give it back
INCREDIBLY DEFENSIVE PREAMBLEYou know that I would never poke fun at homeless crazy people, right? Well okay, yeah, I would. But you have to understand the spirit in which it is done. Part of me of course wishes that there weren't any homeless crazy people. It would be particularly grand if we could do away […]
smells like Holy Spirit
THE ORANGE FOOD GROUPOnline confession: I have just eaten most of a bag of organic cheez doodles. And so the fuck what about the “organic” part, especially when that word is immediately followed by “cheez doodles.” Hooray, somewhat lower in fat; hooray, no genetically modified ingredients; hooray, organic corn, etc. But still. Cheez doodles. There's […]
I want to t-t-t-t-tie you up
EXCUSES, EXCUSESI have trouble with a lot of things at the beginning of the week. I have trouble with gross motor coordination, with simple addition, with remembering why it's at all important that I get to work on time, and with trying not to feel all mopey like a sad neglected muffin growing stale on […]
tastes like plaid to me
Vanity Fair is a very strange magazine. LT had some deal where his business could subscribe to a bunch of different magazines for free, and after he got done subscribing to yawners like Visual Studio and .Net, he left the field wide open for me to pick some.I had trouble. Many “women's” magazines (like the […]
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