mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

trochees and spondees

MIMI ENTHUSES

Dude I am psyched. It's about time we got some colorful money.

Oh my god yes. I want to see the soup fight the sandwich. But I think Sky Deviler is my favorite.

If you find this funny perhaps you are just as dorktacular as I am: I Am Michiko Kakutani.

I had an eventful weekend, full of beer, puppets, music, Katherine Mansfield allusions, and controlling electric lights with my mind. Or at least pretending to. Friday night I came home quite late after an evening spent bopping to electronic sounds. One of the groups of electronic-sound makers featured several topless women; unfortunately their electronic sounds were kind of boring. Naked breasts are good, but naked breasts + interesting music would have been even better. Even though I came home at 3:30 in the morning or so and had had plenty of nice soporific beer, I did not sleep well at all, and eventually gave up the fight and did morning things. Such as:

1. Checked my e-mail, and realizing that even a half-assed little shout-out for more e-mail will result in lots of fantastically interesting messages from fantastically interesting people. Thanks a skillion.

2. Checked the stats for amusing referrals, and hidden among the endless how+do+I+masturbate and egyptian+sluts and skanky+lingerie (these are referrals I have every single freaking day), was this: some love from the direction of nerdslut.org. I have enjoyed nerdslut.org for a while now, so that made me really happy. I especially like the metaphor about the sliding glass door of heterosexuality, because it sort of implies that there is a bright sunny patio of bisexuality/homosexuality, with nice upholstered patio furniture for getting your lesbotronic freak on. And yeah, the door's made of glass, and it slides, so just go in and out as often as you like, at least until your aunt yells at you for letting all the air conditioning out. That's what I do, anyway. Metaphorically. Ahem.

3. FINALLY went and dropped off a whole bunch of unwanted Xmas gifts at the thrift store, and found some good stuff too, several shirts and a weird floppy hat and a pair of shorts (Mimi Smartypants wearing shorts! Shocking! But it is hot, as I think I've mentioned before). Things I passed up at the thrift store: an Israeli army hat; a pink vinyl tube top and matching pink vinyl hot pants; a handcrafted lamp base made of glued-together popsicle sticks; and eight ambulance-driver shirts with “Wally” stitched on the pocket (they were really cool, but XXXL is a bit large even for this baggy-clothes fan).

4. Realized that three hours of fretful sleep was not going to cut it for a rocking-out Saturday night, so I swallowed kava kava and other sleepifying things and curled up for a very satisfying nap. That put me in a much better frame of mind.

PEOPLE IN CHICAGO WHO ARE SOMEWHAT UNCLEAR ON THE FASHION CONCEPT

1. The planet-shaped and -sized man who walks around Devon Avenue wearing a black velour bathrobe like he thinks he's Ron Jeremy or something. I suspect he is not wearing anything underneath but I don't want to think about that too much.

2. The man on the bench in front of Ted's Fruit Market who often lifts off his toupee as if it were a hat, scratches his head, and then flops the toupee back down again.

3. The crazy old lady who sometimes rides the #11 bus who uses lipstick on her entire face (lips, cheeks, eyes) and smells like she crapped her pants. A week ago.

4. Sometimes I think: I'd like to buy Wicker Park a hairbrush. And teach them how to use it. That cutely bedheaded look only goes so far, and then it starts to shade into greasy and unpleasant.

5. Girls who wear tight T-shirts with slogans like P.H.A.T.: Pretty Hot And Tempting or Foxy Lady or Sexxxxy. We can decide how cute you are all on our own, without any textual hints, thanks anyway.

6. The guy panhandling on the bridge at Wabash who wears a giant foam sofa cushion strapped to his back. But maybe that's not fashion so much as a safety device. Maybe he falls over backwards a lot.

But then again I am not really qualified to diss other people's appearances, since I have been rocking the ponytail look for days and days now. It is Too Darn Hot for any other hairstyle. (Why do I think I have to defend myself against charges of Hair Uncreativity? ["Put down that scrunchie, miss. Hands where I can see them. You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to a detangling conditioner..."])

Here's my take on the meme that's making the rounds. I ordinarily don't jump on these bandwagons but this one involves Google, so you know I love it.

1. Mimi is stripped of her garments.
2. Mimi is an inexhaustible dynamo who does what she does out of love, commitment and belief in the value of humanity.
3. Mimi is a Sicilian metalworker.
4. Mimi is a good eater, but she dribbles down her chin.
5. Mimi is a 2-year-old spayed female who is very sweet and loving but does suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
6. Mimi is not easily defined.
7. Mimi is a neutral and charged particle detection system on the CASSINI orbiter spacecraft.
8. Mimi is one strange girl.
9. Mimi is the only one under the tree at midnight.
10. Mimi is dressing to kill.
11. Mimi is a fantastic amalgam of acute mental illness, charm, and affection.
12. Mimi is one of the finest qanun players in the United States.
13. Mimi is fond of doorways.
14. Mimi is pregnant trailer trash.
15. Mimi is slowly finding her way through the snow, weakened by her battle with tuberculosis and by coughing fits.
16. Mimi is pretty smart.
17. Mimi is good for about thirty seconds.
18. Mimi likes to bite.
19. Mimi is a Slovakian model living in London.
20. Mimi is highly skilled in most aspects of BDSM and can be an exquisitely cruel taskmaster when the mood strikes her.

Now I have to work, which just feels desperately unfair. More later, perhaps.

—mimi smartypants has timing like a clock when she rocks the hip hop.