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mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

allegro, andante, allegro assai

Today I was thinking about Greenland. Fifty bucks says that you don't know a whole lot about Greenland. I realized I didn't know much about Greenland either, so I decided to educate myself. Here, I share the light of my newfound knowledge with the huddled masses. Renaissance Mimi!

This page is mostly about tourism (!) in Greenland, and contains the wonderfully strange sentence “Your mouse is the sledge.”

More Greenland facts than you can shake a stick at. There is no arable land in Greenland. There are no forests in Greenland. Greenland exports fish and reindeer meat. There is one television station in Greenland. There are around 56,000 people in Greenland and 100 of them are infected with HIV. Greenland handles its own domestic affairs, but if someone attacks Greenland, it's Denmark's problem.

An answer to the question I originally went online with: there are no native Greenlanders. They all migrated from North America around 5000 years ago, and have been regretting it ever since.

This page is mostly useless, but it does contain the phrase “hitherto ignorant.”

It's fairly cold in Greenland. And dark. In fact, June 21, the longest day of the year, is just about Greenland's only national holiday.

I just wanted to clarify that yesterday, since it was my birthday and all, I was in a “taking stock” mode and thinking me me me, and obviously my comedy equals tragedy plus time bit and my general lightheartedness with regard to the past year does not apply to The September Events or anything like that. I'm sure that was self-evident, but you never know with the Internet. I'm not prepared to say 2001 completely sucked, although the Events did (and do) predominate, so if I was forced to give a simpleminded thumbs up/thumbs down to the year, that thumb (whose thumb?) would be pointing at the earth. How's that for backpedaling? Do you like me better now? Have I regained sufficient gravitas in your mind's eye?

Here's an article that I absolutely fucking loved, about what has and hasn't changed since 9/11/01, with a sadly and devastatingly true last paragraph. Or at least that's my opinion: go ahead and flame me now for not rallying behind the flag. You're so cute when you're jingoistic!

Go Bears! The commentators for this game were hilarious. Ty Detmer, the Lion's quarterback, spent so much time flat on his back that the Fox Network guys narrating (whoops, not narrating. I read too much fiction, apparently) the game showed genuine concern for his health and safety in the fourth quarter. “They've got to get him out of there!” one guy kept saying. I laughed. I'm callous. I love big bruising defenses and brutal sacks. Grrrr.

I was just at the liquor store (hmmph, what a surprise). The tiny liquor store on our corner sells three things: (1) a few brands of crap American beer; (2) strange Czech and Polish beers, all amazingly cheap, and all tasting more or less the same (but it's a good taste, so we'll allow it); and (3) hundreds of varieties of bizarre candy, like candy cell phones and candy lipsticks and cotton candy in a bag. The whole store is a diabetic's nightmare: booze and candy. The cotton candy in a bag was something I had never seen before. I had always thought that the whole point of cotton candy was watching it coalesce in front of you at the carnival, and then eating warm sugar on a stick. But cotton candy in a bag would have none of the process and all of the end result. Cotton candy in a bag is deeply wrong.

—mimi smartypants, deeply wrong.

if ye would not be martyred slaves of time the astral plane for dark at night