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mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for November 2001

acting more my shoe size than my age

It doesn't seem fair that humans are made up of mostly water and yet we can't puddle under doors or pour ourselves into containers. My present state of mind feels much more suited to a bucket than this task chair. Our symphony outing was nice. I couldn't help noticing that the violin soloist was the […]

sticking with broccoli in garlic sauce

LT informs me that REO Speedwagon is playing the Holiday Star Plaza on my birthday. Not a good thing, not even in a “so bad it's funny” sort of way, and definitely not what I'll be doing on my birthday. Why are they even still touring? I think you guys truly have forgotten what you […]

fuul on the hill

Yawn. I'm weary from the strain of (a) working after 4 days off, (b) once again being forced to wear real pants after spending so much of those 4 days off in my pajamas (it's not fair, the tyranny of enforced real-pants-wearing in the business world. I look quite fetching in my pajamas), and (c) […]

taking a stand against ham

Oh ho! Have I died? Did I go on vacation? Did I fall down a steep well, and the entire community came together and held vigils and sang songs and worked around the clock to save me, and my plucky indomitable spirit uplifted every heart tonight on the Lifetime Original Movie? Have I dropped out […]

flex your rear

I like the fact that (judging by my stats tracker) a lot of people seem to read this Thing from work. You're all a bunch of slackers! (Hello Kettle? This is Pot. You're black!) I've been a busy girl. Work, my drinking schedule (I don't know if it's the cooler weather or what, but I […]

case closed

The gray streak in my hair is widening. I'm turning into Cruella DeVille over here. Could be age, could be stress, who knows. And why would there be stress? Well, I have a habit of cheerfully agreeing to new projects and responsibilities and then quietly freaking out when I realize just how much work it's […]

I'm sorry, I don't see “Mimi Smartypants” on the Social Register

Since it's only a scant two weeks until Thanksgiving (aka “The Giant Dead Bird Carcass Festival”), I thought I'd ask for clarification on something that's always mystified me: the cornucopia. The Horn of Plenty. (Oooh, baby, I like your horn of plenty.) I know what it is: “a curved goat's horn overflowing with fruit and […]

cream of wild mushroom soup

MIMI SMARTYPANTS REALIZES THAT IT'S A HELL OF A LOT EASIER TO POST A BUNCH OF LINKS THEN IT IS TO COME UP WITH ACTUAL CONTENTFirst off, I would like to reassure you that the human penis in the fruit punch turned out to be just some sort of slime mold. What a relief. My […]

yo quiero a giant deadly ray gun

For some reason the idea of slippery greasy non-stick-coating high school football players (Scroll down) is very funny to me. Butter-flavored jailbait, mmmm.Although I am rarely online (which seems like an odd thing for someone who is at this moment updating a personal web page to say, although it is true), I am sometimes, and […]

FDA-approved entry

Today's topic is: The BodyRESPIRATORY: I'm sick. Not as sick as when I lost my voice, but sick nonetheless. I have a lovely sore throat and had to take Nyquil and go to bed at 9 pm last night like a little kid. Do little kids still drink Nyquil before bed? Ah, to be young […]