mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for August 2001

you people have carpet on your hearts

There's an “adult bookstore” near my office (note: I just love that term “adult bookstore.” No, sorry, we don't carry any Michael Crichton here. But we have a lovely copy of the Brothers Karamazov….What? Listen buddy, if it ain't heavy on the symbolism, we don't have it. This is an ADULT bookstore.) that has this […]

mop, bucket, guilt trip

So that's what I was doing 5-6 years ago, when I smoked all the time: self-medicating!Remember that one part in the beginning of Catcher in the Rye where Holden describes his roommate as a “secret slob”? I'm afraid that can describe me as well. My shoes are shined and my hair is clean. My desk […]

names have been changed to protect the innocent

Did you know that some women can just walk around outside, in public, wearing shorts? They can go to restaurants and bars and attend outdoor functions, with their long, tanned legs just sticking out for all to see. These women are not made uncomfortable by limb-display. I'm fascinated whenever I see this. And perhaps a […]

cranky. oh so cranky.

In case I needed more evidence that my life is not normal, there was this weekend. Arrggggh.Friday night I go out drinking. Oh, what a surprise, you are thinking right now. Mimi Smartypants drinking alcohol? Well, I'll be damned. That is what you are thinking right now. (Note to you: Is that sarcasm I detect?)Anyway, […]

you're a SEA COW!

Oh my goodness. Ay ay ay. (Or oi moi moi, if you prefer a Greek lament.) Work is trying to kill me. I've had so much to do this week, things like peeing and eating lunch have seemed like impossible pipe dreams. And that's not good. Bodily functions before business, that's my new rule. Although, […]

I can't go for that. No. No can do.

Whenever I'm walking around downtown, I constantly get asked for directions. I must look safe and nondescript. I don't mind giving directions, but it does happen a hell of a lot: 3 times in one 6-block walk. Maybe I'll draw up some maps and sell them for a quarter each. The Iowa trip. There sure […]

children of the creamed corn

Does anyone know why I keep waking up from sleep with my teeth clenched and my jaw jutting forward? Am I dreaming I'm John Wayne or something? It’s very disconcerting.This will be a short one, as I'm off to Iowa. The state that has a 3:1 vowel-consonant ratio. Either Iowa is an incredibly wealthy state […]

justice was served, cold and tasteless

You want events? Fresh, hot, still-dripping-with-grease events? Are you tired of reading diaries where nothing much happens?Things will happen here, today, in this entry. They may not be interestingly or wittily described, but they will happen. That's what being away for 3 days or so will get you: events. Read on.Ah, Chicago, where we like […]

hello, I love you

Note to the woman walking east on Division wearing a hot-pink off the shoulder T-shirt, an extremely tight, transparent white skirt, and black thong underwear: No.So far, that has been my only trauma today.Every week, I must read every single personal ad in the Reader. It is a sick and wrong obsession of mine, the […]

Wild Mimi Gets Sent to Boot Camp!

I'm on the elliptical trainer thing at the gym (I know it's hard to picture me exercising, but shut up. Don't you want my sweet, supple ass to stay sweet and supple? Well alrighty then.), sweating and puffing as I make my elliptical way toward my fitness goal (which is very modest: my goal is […]