mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for July 2001

may I borrow a monkey?

On 30 July 2001

The public library is just about the best invention ever. It's so punk! There are all these books! And you can borrow them! For free! I go to the library all the time, and I've noticed that not everyone does. For instance, I'll be having the “what are you doing after work” conversation, and I'll […]

caution, skankiness ahead

On 27 July 2001

I forgot to wear a bra today. I just, how you say, plumb forgot. This was not the hugest crisis, nor did it spark an international incident. I say that in case some of you adult women out there might be thinking, “What would happen if I didn’t wear a bra today?” The answer is: […]

and I bet Jerry Orbach won't be there

On 26 July 2001

A brief shout-out to rfb, who, in her profile, not only listed me as a favorite but described me as “the ghetto Nora Charles,” which basically made me fall in love with her. Thanks, man.Absolutely lovely weather today. The heinous humidity has finally abated here in Chicago, so going outside is no longer like stepping […]

the big, big, big, bang

On 25 July 2001

Still I have the laryngitis, and it's very very annoying. Last night I downloaded Willowtalk, which is what the author of this page used to create a Stephen Hawking voice. Hey, maybe it's what the Hawk-man himself uses, what do I know, although I would hope he'd have some system a bit more sophisticated than […]

the garlic odor that woke the dead

On 24 July 2001

I am still oh so quiet. Actually, today my throat hurts even more than yesterday, which I can only hope is one of those weird “worse before it gets better” things and is a sign that I'll soon be back to my blabbermouth self.In the meantime, though, the shadowy man who operates the shadowy (literally: […]

shhh!

On 23 July 2001

Mimi Is Silent, Like a PeanutOK, so I had a little cold. So I stay home from work for one day (remember?), but then I go back, because just a little sore throat isn't anything to baby oneself over, right? And then Iris calls me on Friday, and she's ever so much fun, so me […]

H! T! M! L! What does that spell?

On 20 July 2001

All the thoughts that I have relating to various forms of media are starting to pile up. So this is not so much an entry as a mental vacuum cleaner. (In the sense that it sucks. Get it? Get it? Sucks! Like a vacuum cleaner…oh never mind.)You have no idea how much I heartily approve […]

queasy entry

On 19 July 2001

THE BORING AS FUCK HEALTH AND WELLNESS ENTRY, BY mimi smartypants, WHO IS OBVIOUSLY STARTING TO BECOME AN ELDERLY PERSON, JUDGING BY THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND ENERGY SHE SPENDS TALKING ABOUT ILLNESS, AT LEAST IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS, BUT REST ASSURED SHE IS NOT AT ALL LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE.Thank you. Yesterday I […]

that not-so-fresh feeling

On 17 July 2001

Man oh man. Herworship responded to my shout-out in this entry with a great little short story featuring me and a brown plastic dinosaur kicking evil's ass using only our wits and the weaponry found in my briefcase. Wow. You Smartypants readers are some creative motherfuckers, yo. Color me impressed.Why is my diction all gangsta-rap […]

bag lady

On 12 July 2001

To-Do List magazine wants your lists: so send them in. Who would want to read strangers' to-do lists? Me, that’s who. No detail is too minute for me. I'd probably watch a television show where people debated the merits of different breakfast foods. If you too are a Whore for the Details, read The Mezzanine, […]