mimi smartypants
Seriously, though: what's with the penguins?

Archive for March 2001

live from the red (with blood) carpet

I've decided that today I'm going to ramble on and on and alienate a large chunk of my so-called “audience,” that is, those of you who, like me, read web journals when you have nothing better to do. I've been reading a lot of web journals today, and a whole lot of people whose writing […]

diseased beef moron?

I just noticed that I am looking mighty pale today. Sort of a chalky pale. Perhaps this this is the first step toward Incredible Hulkification! Chalky pale is mighty close to green! I'll just get greener and greener and then the muscles will come. Oh happy day!Another good referral: someone searched Yahoo for the phrase […]

a leg, a wing, a thigh

Tracking the stats can be very entertaining. Here's a small sampling of some innovative ways that people have come across me, Mimi Smartypants (all of these are search engine lookups):Alan Greenspan naked small penis photographschicken noisespictures of smiling teethKentucky Fried Chicken couponsMost of those I understand, except for the fried chicken coupons. I don't recall […]

free amoeba with every $10 purchase

I don't like it when I'm walking along in a crowd and the person in front of me comes to a dead stop to consult a map or dig in his pockets or make a cell phone call. Move to the side! Is that so hard? I need to make it a habit to simply […]

the yellow gooeyness of death

Are we through talking about Eminem yet? I hope so. I just don't find his rap interesting enough to merit pages of editorials. What an idiot. Also, from the little I've heard, in the context of rapping about gay men and how he doesn't like them, he seems to rap a lot about how tight […]

eggplant and hot pants

I went to the gym today, for the first time since my wallet got stolen there. The guy at the front desk tried to tell me it would be $10 to get a replacement membership card. But after I said ha, ha, and again, ha, and explained why that was not so, he cracked and […]

nice ass, monkey!

Baboons enjoy baboon booty: So if you're a baboon (and if you ARE a baboon and you're reading this, please e-mail me: boy oh boy would that be something) and you have a big bubble butt, never be ashamed for you are the height of baboon beauty. Shine on, you crazy diamond!Weekend over much too […]

make me a fancy sandwich

When I was a child, my mother never cut my sandwich into triangles. I don't know why, but it was always rectangles. The only time I ever saw a triangle sandwich was in a restaurant, and in my head I still think of this sort of sandwich cut as “fancy.” LT made me a grilled […]

special victims unit

Hello. It's Friday, and the Week From Hell is very nearly over. Here are some of the things that have happened to me, in order of least aggravating to most aggravating. (Note: there is a huge jump in aggravation level from #1 to #2.)#1: While out drinking (why are we surprised) last Friday night, I […]

the golden age of breasts

Yesterday I went to the Eyebrow Lady for my monthly waxing. I know, it's awfully girly of me, but I like the way the eyebrows (“the eyebrows”? OK, MY eyebrows) look when they are slightly tweezed, but I do not have the patience to do said tweezing. Standing in front of the mirror, staring into […]